Ouch.

I'm beyond tired right now, I think I might of got two hours sleep last night.
Every bit of me hurts from the party, falling asleep on a wooden floor, playing too much football and just my general aches.
A bath may be in order.
The party the other night was excellent. Though it did leave me thinking about someone that I probably shouldn't of been thinking of. And with things that have happened to me before, I think maybe my interruption of what can and can't be done has shifted. Hey ho.
Excellent night though, just like the ones from years ago.
Yesterday involved little to begin with, then it involved football on the field with siblings. Then I walked to the park to play yet more football with friends.
It was at this point I became quiet. I was having fun the night before with people, had fun playing with siblings, but there was too much man in the park, too much competitiveness and it got well fierce. My effort was nil by then.
I hurt. Big time.

What a peculiar feeling.

My vices are still on the up.
It's all good.
It's late now, as in I have work in the morning, so I must be brief. Also I can neither type, nor string together a coherent and adult sentence.
Shame because last night was great, though it poked around in some maybe not so good thoughts.
Blah!

Man is tethered, tied, bound. Spirit is free.

The most marvelous mood was had last night.
Serenity.
I felt disconnected from everything, my mind was thinking of nothing but how good nothing was. It was the evening and the sky was a glorious blue, then I saw the crescent of the moon and thought how The Whole of the Moon might of reflected my feeling.
'Til I realised that, in fact, I was seeing the whole of the moon because I knew what mattered, and what mattered was nothing.
It was as if my mind was brought home.
I closed my eyes and felt like a spirit, not a being, and wanted to float away. I genuinely wanted to die it was so perfect, to die without a care and longing, oh it was beautiful.
I felt like I had found my spirituality, not that I can pinpoint it.
Buddhism is great to read about, but I think that is all I can do with it. It still feels too controlling, though it can explain that is my ego preventing me. But all religions have explanations for everything.
No, I'll stick to myself I think.
Last night I felt as if everything was one, just like the image I have of my misinformed idea of Gaia. I prefer the ideas from Final Fantasy than the actual mythology.
Funny how all that stemmed from nicotine.
You could say it was that that made me feel so, I however say it was just a proxy to calm my thoughts and in that calmness I brought my mind home.

Anywho, places to be, people to see, drink to drink. You know how it is.

Red-blooded, white skinned, oh and the blues

The longing.

It was a month ago, that passionate night.
You swam in my soul, made me shout till my voice was no more.
Took me to the highest high, and damn you, you let me me fall.
But I damn myself for I still love you.
I love you now, and I will love you forever.
Third Eye Blind, I miss you dearly.

I love my landlord.

He is great, quirky, but great.
I'll miss him if he ever leaves, hopefully I'll be gone before that.
I turned my absence of mood into a quick watercolour last night, and the process of putting my mood down made me melt back into myself.
Today I finished my big canvas. I'm not happy with it, nor am I proud, but I'm glad I did it. I must sound like a dick all the time when I say I'm looking for my niche, but it's true - I think? It's been so long and it has only been this year where I have actually attempted art rather than copy pictures.
I'll improve, and this is the only reason I keep going no matter how much shit I churn out.
But today, I was sat with my guitar, played a progression while I sang some ideas I've had for lyrics. And my, it came out great. The ideas sounded cheesy on paper, but throwing them around out loud. This lyrical bombshell session was interrupted when I was asked if I wanted to go out for food. Of course, I went.
Burritos. Then half my mothers chili and nachos.
I hurt.
Not to mention all the Corona and Magners.
Then I whopped ass at pool, like amazingly so.
Tomorrow I hope to share some time with Rory, I have work in the afternoon so we shall see.
Next week for work will be...I'm not sure. Five days, four of which are early ones so the week itself will fly by but the individual days will drag. But I do get Thursday off which means Wednesday night can be indulged to the extreme!

I watched to second half of the Germany and Australia game. It was good, Australia so deserved to score at least one goal for their effort, but the Germans deserved to win for the lush football. I hate football most the time, how it is just about money. The World Cup is refreshingly different, it's incredibly simple which makes it wonderful.
I feel for Rob Green. I feel like I can relate because I used to play as goalkeeper in junior school and did other bits. I obviously have no clue, but part of me still feels like a goalkeeper as it is my favourite position.
Talking of football, I have been requested for a football game in like two years time. Talk about love. Makes me feel awesome, almost as awesome when I was the only person who came close to scoring a goal in that radio game. It was beautiful.

Void

Earlier I felt completely absent of everything. Emotionless and complete indifference.
I'd say it was a horrible feeling but, you know, lack of feelings.
I'm coming back round to myself.
I think it's all down to the point in time I am in.
Or more likely, my life is literally complete after seeing Third Eye Blind and there is fuck all to do anymore.
I'm going to do something now, no idea what, I just want to do something.

Beer, bath, bed.

The irony is that the day I have people to care about this, will be the day I don't have time for this.
Is it irony? Who cares?

Interruptions

The grey sky is breaking a little, and this reflects how I am feeling.
Lets start from the start of the day. I got up at five because I thought I had work. I went all the way to work and I looked at the rota. Good thing because I saw the big word OFF. How embarrassing, going to work at six on my day off.
It wasn't bad, I just got my jacket and went home and went back to bed.
Slept for an extra couple of hours then got up for my unexpected day off.
I jumped into DK2, not because I like it, because I hate it. I just wanted to finish it as soon as possible to be rid of it. And it was shockingly bad. Really sad because the first one was amazing.
This one just made no sense, you'd turn a page and think there must be some pages missing because it didn't follow. Or a superhero would turn up for no reason, and there was no justification for why anyone was anywhere and why they were doing what they were doing.
And the art! Miller can draw, he is good but he can't ink for shit. And then most the comic, it seems like he couldn't be arsed and everything is blocky and shit, rather than his raw style. And to make it worse, so much of it was just filled in on photoshop, but in the worst way possible. Using stupid effects that people use when they first get photoshop and think they are suddenly a graphic designer.
I have no idea what the story was, I think it was basically after the first novel, Batman went into hiding and built up an army ready to start a revolution because the government was bad. Except we see next to nothing of this government. Then the Justice League were there but they still worked for the government until Batman beat the shit out of Superman and opened his eyes. Sounds shit? Doesn't even cover it.
It felt like it was written by a man slipping down the slope of madness. Maybe it made sense in his head, but he forgot to tell everyone else.
Oh well, what can you do?

I went into town afterwards and bought a canvas. I said I'd buy the biggest one in the shop, until I saw the biggest one, pussied out, and got the second biggest.
Walk home was windy and fun. I was like a sail boat.
Got home, took forever finding stuff, and then finally got down to painting. Half way through I remembered oils take a while to dry so I got the back ground sorted and now I wait.
It's a pretty sweet background, it'll be a shame to cover most of it.

Work tomorrow. For sure, I triple checked.