I've been so fixated on leaving Morrisons I often forget the reasons to why I am leaving.
They pop into my head and I get that excited feeling.
In a matter of months I will be in a room with people almost as cool as me, learning awesome stuff. I'll be living in Somerset too.
But in the excitement of these thoughts I then forget that I am leaving Buxton. This is not seen as a sad time, I can't say for sure what I will feel on the day I leave, but I'm happy about leaving.
There is nothing here anyway, obviously not including friends and family but even then my friends are off to their universities. After that though, there is little here. It's nice enough, I take it in often, just yesterday in fact when I was sat in the big bay windows upstairs at the Clubhouse and I got to over look all the luscious trees in the warm sun. The buildings are very pretty in this town too.
I can't help it, I'm attracted to change and new things.
I have no idea where I want to live when I grow up. Probably near the sea, but there is nowhere in the UK that I find appealing and by the sea. Actually, I can't think of anywhere in this country where I'd like to live, it's all so horribly British.
As I said, these are the thoughts that spend most the days suppressed by the giant that is me quitting my job.
I might cry when I walk out for the last time from pure elation. Emotional breakdown in the car park.
It really is that bad, for me anyway.
My favourite films have shifted again. The Dark Knight really is the best film of all time. It has everything in it that makes a great film great, and on top of that it has Batman.
I'll miss the Joker. All good things in my life end; Firefly, Heath Ledger's Joker, Third Eye Blind gigs - all good things.
This is my favourite bit of the whole film. This and the prologue.
I forget how sad Batman Begins is. Well, I find it really sad at points. Poor Bruce. Poor Rachel.
I've also forgotten to send some emails and letters. It's alright, I have time. I think...
Ah, it'll be right as rain.
I often daydream, today was no different. I was daydreaming about this person, and pretending we had been friends for ages. I forgot that this wasn't true and laughed at her.
It didn't seem awkward, for she seemed somewhat crazy herself.
One of my Google ads today is called Comic Con Fans Dating. It tells me Geek 2 Geek is the site for me.
What's worse, the internet deciding I am lonely, or the fact I find the girl in the picture hot.
Torn.
Tv is shite tonight, more than normal so I'm in hiding and can't decide what film to watch.
I finished The Dark Knight Returns earlier and thought I wanted Batman Begins, but then I thought I wanted The Dark Knight.
Now I am thinking Leon.
Each one stars Gary Oldman so whatever I chose, it'll be a winner.
Seems like only yesterday I was writing my weeks hours, and now it's all over until Monday.
It's been a killer. Caught up with me today, I got home, ate, slept, woke up, ate, read and now I am here and I want to sleep again.
I'm not getting up tomorrow until at least dinner time, I shall force the sleep on myself if needs be but I'm pretty sure that wont be necessary.
Good news. My sisters guinea pigs got taken to the vet to be put down.
It's good because it needed to happen. Their lives were just a sad and painful existence.
It's also sad that when people can't be bothered with pets they can just have them knocked off for a fee.
This is sorta the case this time round too. My sister didn't care about them no matter what she said. From day one she has been constantly been told to look after them, feed them and clean them out. She'd just go out and forget to feed them and wouldn't tell anyone to do it for her. She picked them up about three times. Despite this she still was adamant that she did actually want them and they weren't a hinderance.
Ignoring this though, putting them down was humane as they were covered in soars. I knew them were a bit patchy and had scabs but they just kept getting worse and I only noticed how bad when I was doing a sculpture outside and they would cry from pain all the time because they had to itch the soars.
I'm not a pet fan but it broke my heart. For a couple of weeks I took it upon myself to give them some love, tried to get them used to people and put some antiseptic on them. It was rewarding but they were not my responsibility and I have my own things to do.
This is why I don't want pets. I know that my attention span would fail them, and I wouldn't love them but find them an annoying waste of my resources.
Maybe this will change one day, say if I had a family, then I would already have roots and responsibility so a pet would fit in, right at home you could say. Even then, I still see myself with a fish or a tortoise.
Twelve hours later, Dan returns home.
I knew I would be doing some extra hours, but a twelve hour day?!? Flew by though, Oven Fresh went faster than usual as I haven't done an early there for about a week, and FFPP flew by in minutes with it being new and there is always something to do.
Only did I feel the effects walking home and my legs felt like they were about to pop.
Now blood...yet.
Now I'm going to die in a corner with a curry and Batman. Then a beautiful bath is in order and then I shall sleep. I'd like to watch a film or some tv in bed but I'm sure I'll be too tired.
This was not at all a good post. Just a retelling of my day.
Oops.
I have learnt something, not everyone who works in a supermarket is a failure at life. Most people seem to be there because it's a job. They get the job and they are happy to have an income so remain there.
Everyone is nice there too, I will miss them. Not the managers, I look forward to my heartless goodbye to them.
I got round to watching The Jacket today. I've wanted to see it since before it came out in the cinema because I got some free advertising merchandise from the film.
It was good, I thought it may of been hit and miss, but it wasn't.
And it's a good film to compliment the recent Lost finale with time travel and alternate universes.
It set a good atmosphere for itself to begin with, made it feel like an old psychological thriller but then as it went on it threw in more modern takes.
And a happy ending for once, he died and remained in the future world. Or did he? Maybe he was actually crazy all along and nothing was true. All a figment of his broken imagination.
Like I said, complimented Lost greatly. That's good for me because I do sorely miss it.
I have nothing now, Lost is over forever, Deadliest Catch season is finished, True Blood season is finished. No Dexter, no CSI. Firefly...All I have at the moment is Castle.
One single hour of tv a week.
Growing up is still a surreal thing. Drinks last night with friends and we all talked about work, and careers. I feel like I should still be talking about these things like they are far off, but they are happening now.
There is no grand defining moments, it all just merges slowly together without any knowledge of it occurring.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. A childhood leading to no grand point of coming of age, but maybe I like it this way, how it just happens. Falls into place naturally.
My life though. The stress in this house is something. None of it mine, and none of it makes me stressed, it's just annoying how people make things hard for themselves and then because of that make it ten times harder.
House is being valued tomorrow, something about moving the mortgage. I don't listen to when people talk.
My room was fine, but my mum decided to clean it. I hate every inch of this room now.
Childish much? Extremely so.
I take pride in moving things back to where they belong and making things look lived in.
My whole room just looks dead and empty and void of character. Funny though because I have little to no sentiment about my room. It's confining and no longer represents who I am, but that said it is mine and it has been invaded.
I can't wait until I leave. A new room, new people, just new everything. I've wanted it for so long and now it is going to happen.
When I go I feel I will be a calmer person. Not that I am not a calm person now, I just have to vent my rage in silence and bite my tongue occasionally.
I look forward to the freedom in every sense of the word.
I'm blatantly picking the right career. I flicked How It's Made on for some background tv this morning and of all the things it decided to show me special effects make up. Just making an elderly face. They then said it takes a month of work and costs ten thousand euros. Sweet!
Bizarre ER is my new favourite. It's both gross and funny, suits me to a tee. And some of the reconstructions they do are priceless. I really, really want to make one.
Now here is a song, completely different to Coma Girl.
I was going through town to get some food.
I was thinking about whether to have pasta or pizza.
At first I got real dizzy with hunger and beer,
and then I saw the pizza girl and I knew what I wanted.
And the food came in from the wide blue yonder.
And through all the cheeses I wandered.
Pizza girl with parmesan and pepper,
she's the Mona Lisa of the pizzeria.
Pizza girl, Pizza girl!
Gosh, now I want pizza. Lucky for me, I'm going out for some right now!
Me legs are solid today, solid with aches. And I recently found some aches in my ribs. Not a clue to why this is so because it's not like I did any hard work the other evening. And last night was a walk to lie in the park.
Oh well.
I really need to rejuvenate my Sin City and Transmetropolitan piles and I also need to get the other two "Big Music" albums by The Waterboys.
Yet today I decided to sit in the sun and start reading The Dark Knight Returns again because it is truly beautiful. This then made me order the sequel to it and some other books so that when I finish it I can read DK2 while everything is fresh.
Not sure what to expect from it because never before has the comment mixed reviews been more fitting.
No more Lost for Dan. I loved it from the start, then by season three I was a creature of habit rather than love. Season five didn't get the attention it deserved from me because I used to sit on msn while watching tv and films. Now I don't, my sister has that role now. While on that subject, it would seem I taught her well, but not well enough because she fell out with her best friend about her best friends boyfriend (or for the younger audience, she fell out with her bff over her bff's bf). Post that drama, guess who has a boyfriend? My sister, and guess who it is? Her ex-best friends ex!
I had to laugh. I may of even said it wouldn't last. I can't help it, as I said, I find teenage life hilariously tragic.
But back to what matters, Lost.
Season six started with me thinking a weight would be lifted once it ended because it would be over and I wouldn't need to keep watching.
What a finale! I was hoping for ambiguity and unanswered questions but with it being such a phenomenon my brain did not think this would be so.
My hopes were rewarded big time. I called the final image and got it right, though it was pretty obvious as the show has a lot of eye opening in it, it started with Jack opening his eyes so of course it would only make sense for it to end with Jack closing his eyes.
The ending lead you towards certain answers but there are still a million blanks to fill in and think about. Like Ben. He was my favourite, after Charlie and Claire. Ben though, he was there in the sideways reality so does that mean he had died? He didn't go into the church though, so he might of still been alive. Hugo was in the Church though so that possibly means he was dead and if so I bet he gave the Island to Ben to look after. Nothing is clear cut, this is just one of the many theories I shall be thinking about and reading about on the internet for a while yet.
It was an emotional two hours for me, I think I cried when every couple got back together, especially Claire and Charlie. They are the cutest thing ever.
I'm also pleased that everything that happened did actually happen, that none of it was some dream or purgatory. Except for the sideways reality which is heavily indicated to be an after life.
Despite my mixed feelings for the show over the last six years, after that finale I am going to miss it lots. I just want to be in that happy place forever where everyone found each other and radiated warm feelings in every direction.
And I swear it shows
Heaven must be just like this
I love this song as it is, makes me thing of glorious, sunny days like this one. Or beautiful evenings like last night. It's endless sky and golden sun captured in a single song, but now it will also make me thing of that beautiful after life.
Work was sweaty but looking back I did absolutley nothing.
Home for a cold shower and frood grabbing before going to get merry in the park.
Was good times. Good company and good talks.
Football happened but my input was abuse/encouragement from the side lines.
Sadly, things petered out at ten and folk went home. I could of sat there all night.
Summer is young.
But when I think about it, it's going to be gone quick. May is almost up then we only have June and July because Agust involves job quitting, jet setting and new life packing.
I can't wait to go.
I'm glad I'm not the only person who hates people who use say the stupid "nom nom" thing. I shudder typing it now. My sister hates it too, Bev that is, we discussed this and how I want to punch all who say it.
Internet slang pisses me off no end. People use lol like a fullstop.
It's a shame you can't heacbutt someone over the internet.
I have so much hate in me.
I'm capable of love though, like I love Sullivan Street by Tammany Hall NYC. The coda is second to Back in the Bottle and if Back in the Bottle were negligible then it is second to none.
But I can't share this love with you for they are too cool for you. And they aren't on YouTube appart from a couple of songs. For the best really, I am always pressing my muscial taste on people but weary to share the sound of what I like. I don't want people to say they hate it.
