as Bon Jovi once said:

Until I'm 6 feet under 

Baby I don't need a bed 

Gonna live while I'm alive 

I'll sleep when I'm dead 

Till they roll me over 

And lay my bones to rest 

Gonna live while I'm alive 

I'll sleep when I'm dead 

 I do enjoy Bon Jovi. It's one of the things I can thank my mother for.
Food, home, clothes, the birth, Bon Jovi and Meat Loaf.

I had myself and excellent night last night. I loved it so much. I have never really been a person who goes out all the time as I do love just a dvd and my bed, however this year so far has been amazing for going out.
I didn't start the year with any intention of making it amazing, or saying I'll make it the best year ever.
And no, this doesn't seem like the best year of my life is just starting, it's just a normal year but how I have craved some normal, average fun.
And last night was nothing special but it was a lovely night out. I love a night which can have conversation spanning from The OC to taxes. Talking about money and adult things, that was odd as it was a first but I liked it. It's one thing they never teach you as you grow up. School just teach you that sex is bad but fail to mention the bureaucracy of the world.
I also had a personal talk with someone. That's something I have missed. It's rare people will talk like that in person I have found with the internet. Sure it's easier on the internet as it's impersonal and that makes it easier, call me old fashioned but I like conversations that come from the heart to be face to face.
It was good to know that I am still hilarious as I made a couple of excellent jokes.
It was close to 0100 hours when I got home, and I had to get up at 0500 hours for work. I did plan on leaving the evening earlier but I didn't want to, I knew if I left I'd feel a bit sad because I was having a blast.
I'm glad I decided that good company was better than sleep.
And four hours sleep was plentiful, though getting out of bed was a challenge work was fine and I felt more awake than usual. It helped that I was in the back prepping all the chicken which was a nice change and kept me more entertained. I was also alone back there so I sang to my hearts content.

When I got home my tiredness hit me. I stayed up to have some lunch, lots of fried goodness and then I went to bed for the afternoon only to get up later for pizza.
Today has been pretty much a day of necessities. Work, eat, sleep.

Tonight I am going to enjoy doing nothing at all.
Actually, I think I will do nothing all weekend long. And it sure will be a great weekend.
Read some books, watch some films, play some Dragon Age. I think the most outlandish thing I will do is play guitar, or maybe even getting dressed.

Tonight I shall watch the final episode of Band of Brothers. It's a gudden'! And it is also one of the most beautiful things my eyes have had the pleasure of seeing.
The lighting in it is the best ever. It still has a low saturation like the rest of the series giving it that 1940s feel, but the lighting is so glorious. And so it should be as the war has ended.
I like how it has flashbacks in the episode which show the huge lighting difference showing us just how much change has occurred.
And the baseball scene at the end is the best ending anyone could ever think of. Everyone there with beaming faces in a golden light. Even Buck is there with a grin across his face which then causes my face to light up.
The voice over tells us what each man went on to do with his life and that with them all playing baseball without their uniforms reminds us that they are all just men. Not soldiers, not killers, but just average men in a not so average situation.

in the impossibly large office of the death-dealing physician

Another early one for you because I am practically living the same day again.
Work, go out, work, go out.
You do realise that one day I will lose motivation and just post a song, maybe some lyrics or a pretty picture and call it a day.

"...and the rain came down like water from a faucet.  

I saw him at the crossroads, but I never saw him cross it,  

one minute he was on this side,

and the next he was be over on the other. 

so went his rounds, one sad patient after another.

It was a cold dark day 

with low clouds standing in the way 

and the stars jockeying for position 

in the crushed velvet world of the death-dealing physician."

But I'm not going to give up just yet. 

I have enjoyed work this week as it's deadly quiet. Christmas has gone and people dare not venture out into the snow so the shop feels like one of those connivence stores in mid-state America . Where all is too quiet and you wonder why, then you realise you're all in a horror movie. 

But I leave work and just see that it's just empty because of the weather and not some apocalypse. The thing is though, I get slightly disheartened by this. 

Last night was fun too. I love guy talk. 

I don't get much of it which makes it all the more of a much loved rarity. This talk is not just about sex as some might think, unless of course I am doing it all wrong, that is always a possibility. 

I would like this evening to be a summers one. A beautiful, warm and golden August evening. This is what I was thinking about as my house came into view when walking home. I was thinking about what I did this summer, when I sat out on my front wall with my guitar, seafood pizza, some kind of fruity alcohol and ate up life. 

That's the downside to winter. Though it is lovely and pretty and the snow is great, I can't go outside and lie in the grass. I would love to be outside in the grass, feel the warm sun throw itself upon me and maybe have Angels & Airwaves playing to make the moment complete. 

There is nothing stopping me from doing this right now, but it's a bit cold outside and I feel the magic wont quite be the same. 

Part Nine: Why We Fight

I'm doing this post early as I am going out tonight so my whole day is being shifted forward as when I get back it's straight to bed for poor, little Dan. 


Last night I watched the saddest thing anyone can ever watch. I've watched it many times before and each time it gets to me. Episode nine of Band of Brothers. 
It's the penultimate episode so the war in Europe is coming to a close and with that comes time to reflect. That generates its own sadness because you can see all the faces that are missing and all the effects the war has had on each person. 

This particular episode focuses on Nixon. 
I like Nixon. 
He may be my favourite because of all his flaws. He's an alcoholic and cares little about his rank, this is shown when he is demoted but doesn't bat an eyelid as he is trying to work out what to write to the parents of men who died. Winters tells him to say they died as heroes but Nixon no longer believes this. Especially as these men died on a plane before they ever got to fight. 
Nixon and Winters are a perfect pairing of officers. A yin and yang, Alpha and Omega. Winters who is always crisp and clean, doesn't drink and cares so much about Easy Company. At the beginning of the series Winters is the perfect commanding officer, but with all his promotions throughout the war he seems to get tunnel vision. Though he still cares and is an incredible man, he becomes more of a rank than a man and will say what is expected so much so that he might actually be believing the words he says. 
Nixon however, just in appearance he is the complete opposite. Unshaven and a uniform worn without pride. He still has the pressures of being an officer but will rarely be seen trying to impress those above him. 

I'm glad that this episode followed Nixon because this lets his personal effects of the war become our own too. This episode is where we find a concentration camp. 
For me, I forget about this side to the war as I watch the series. For most the series it is an impersonal war as far as the enemy goes, the fighting is fast and there is never pause for thought. 
But the war is coming to a close and there is much pause for thought. Then we find the concentration camp and that brings lots of emotion. 
As chance would have it Liebgott, the interpreter, is Jewish. He is the one who has to talk to the camp so we get to see his ordeal when we find out 
they are all their just because they are Jewish.
At this point you feel your heart has been ripped out as you look at the 
starving, half dead inmates of the camp. 
But oh no, this was merely a tug on the heartstrings because then Liebgott has to tell everyone that they are being locked up again because they need 
their medical and food intake to be monitored, so they still need to be kept 
together. 
Yep, at this point you do feel as if your heart has been taken on a serious 
ride only to be taken further by us seeing Liebgott break down and cry. 
It's by far the saddest thing I have ever seen. 

I shall share a sad song now because hopefully you are sad. I don't say 
hopefully in a sadistic way, I say it because I hope you are all in 
agreement that Hitler was...well, I can't think of any combination of 
words to describe him. 
Yet it seems that some people don't think that way. Just look at the BNP. 
And if any of you vote BNP I will curb stomp you until you have no more 
racist, fascist and Nazi-sympathising teeth left.
So yes, that song.
I chose this one because it balances on top of strings giving it a beautiful 
trance-like quality. 
And what they are singing about is somewhat of a trance-like situation.

I've talked lots about nothing today.
But just you wait until I watch Band of Brothers again, then you get to look 
forward to a commentary of every episode!
Can't wait!?! I know!!

at least I'm not in Bastogne

Today I ventured into the snow with a few friends and went sledging.
I haven't been sledging for three years and had an ace time and a lot of epic bails.
The snow is forgiving which meant no injuries. It was though, as cold as I remembered.
I was wrapped up good and warm apart from my feet, they are always cold.
They will be cold on a summers day, so wearing wellies in the snow was not the most desired environment for them.
I had fun though, which is the important thing.
Afterwards we went and got warmed up with hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows on a candle. Until we ran out of marshmallows and used almonds, and after that we were just burning cocktail sticks.

Walking home I was wondering why my ankle was not aching, and this winter it hasn't ached at all. You see, many moons ago I tore the ligaments in it playing the grandest game of hide and seek in the middle of nowhere in Scotland. Ever since then it aches with the cold because of all the scar tissue.
This winter has been ache free and I like it.
Yet in summer it ached a lot, but then again there was only about three days where I wore shoes in summer. Every other day it was all about the flip flops, so that would explain it.

Now I shall leave and watch Band of Brothers. Then chances are I shall sleep as I have work tomorrow before the crack of dawn. It feels like I haven't been there in an age which is a nice feeling, and this week I just have my normal four hour shifts which means time is going to fly by! Woohoo!

and Gotham will sleep soundly tonight.

The Dark Knight triumphant! 
I finished Batman: Arkham Asylum today. Probably the best game I have ever played.
Comic book games aren't generally that good as they are aimed at the younger audience, with exception to The Punisher.
This game was different and it was very dark, just like Gotham should be. It still had a comic book charm to it but balanced it with realism. Throw in some upgrades by gaining experience makes sure no interest is lost, and the upgrades and gadgets you get makes taking out enemies all the more fun.
The attention to detail is marvelous too. As you go through the game your suit gets more beat up and torn.
And it's an incredibly beautiful game. The artwork is a fantastic take on what we are used to in the comics and in my opinion I prefer it as it makes the characters seem more realistic.
The best thing about it is that it makes you feel like you are Batman, from exchanging fisticuffs with henchmen to hiding in the shadows.
The final cutscene hints at a sequel and I do hope so. Just as long as it's not rushed.

And for the obvious. Snow.
It's everywhere and we all know it. You'd think that an annual occurrence would not generate so much panic.
Oh my God! Massive disruption!
It's hardly that bad really, is it? And if the snow kills anyone it would only be natural selection, something we have hardly any of nowadays.
I do like the snow. I like the effect is has on people. We try to control everything we can, then it snows and we stand there thinking "shit...can't do anything now".
It snowed last year yet we all seem to be surprised that it's snowed again this year.
And you know what? I bet if it snows next year we'll still be just as surprised.

what are you listening to, Dan? Oh you know, the same song over and over again

For those who care I did escape the crazy nightmare realm, and it only took half an hour.


I'm just like you people as when I sleep I quite often have dreams. Last night I dreamt that Julia Nunes was my best friend again. I say again because last year I dreamt she was my best friend.
If you are asking who Julia Nunes is then I am also guessing you have no idea what the little website YouTube is.
I enjoyed my dream but upon waking my life felt as if it had a Julia shaped hole in it. Assuming of course that she is in fact just as I dreamt.
I'm willing to take that chance.
Those dreams are up there with my favourites.
Others including when I met Mary Jane Watson, a zombie apocalypse and that time I was a vampire.
Then there was the time last year when a week before seeing Saw VI I watched all the other Saw films and had the most horrific and disturbing dreams ever.
I don't think dreams are some insight on you're true self.
I think they are more of a mixed up jigsaw that has been forced together. Each little peace is there but they don't fit together to reveal anything.
Say if you have a dream where you kiss somebody you hate, that is not a sign that you actually love the person. That person would be on your mind because you hate them, and because they are on your mind they are in your dreams.
There's no consciousness to your dreams.
Apart from that one time I knew I was in a dream, and that my friends is lucid dreaming.
A feat I wish I possessed every night.


I'm sure you have all wondered before who wrote the best album ever.
Well you're in luck because I know the answer to that. Neutral Milk Hotel.
Their album In The Aeroplane Over The Sea is the best album ever written. Fact.
And today I was listening to them and stumbled upon this song:
Oh Sister

This song never did make it on the album, like many songs because Mangum writes very long songs which get cut up into many. 
This song I fell in love with instantly. It has the same story as the album and references many songs from the album which is my favouritest thing in the world. 
I love Angels & Airwaves and how their songs sometimes mix into other ones, but this song blew me away. It has the same lines from songs all over the album. 
When my day started I still had a vacancy in my Top Five Songs. I think that vacancy has been filled. 

Rose Wallace Goldaline just moves her mouth over anything 

Fleshy free and flowering with oranges out in the open

But don't you waste your sins again

She don't need you or won't fuck your friends 

And you, you're American, so important boiling over 

To prove that she must still exist

She moves herself about her fist 

And never ever gave a shit

About all those words you're wasting again 

Some pretty bright and bubbly wondrous dream

You'd like to kill and claim 

And claim her as your own

But don't you worry 

All those dainty and dirty emotions

Just go away and fade out on their own 

Sister, now that we're grieving 

Our fingers will falter

Our lungs will be leaking 

All over each other and without even speaking

We'll know that it's over and smile and go greeting 

Whatever comes next

+45 exp!

I had an awful dream last night. I dreamt one of my friends had died. It was one of those ones that feel too real and it was not at all nice. I was happy to wake up and know that Death had not visited anyone in my slumber.

Today has been all about Dragon Age: Origins. Played it practically all day, only stopping to fill and empty my body of various things.
I'm not that proud of it, but I couldn't help myself.
See, I got imprisoned in some blood magic nightmare realm and in order to escape I had to kill five demons, and then once I had killed those five I could then get to the final Sloth demon and end the madness.
Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to understand, I just want to stress the difficulty and annoyance.
Well after a day of hardcore gaming I had only killed one of these said demons. But once you get one it pretty much snowballs, so hopefully I'll be free tomorrow, have a full party and then buy a million potions.
And those magi I'm saving better help me thwart the Blight.

I'm counteracting my day of gaming with a social outing soon.
Going to a friend's, watch films all evening. In my eyes that is perfection.
I don't know what films to take though as my dvd collection is more or less all horror apart from The Dark Knight, Garden State and a handful of others. I'd take Leon but that's at my fathers. Denied.
Never know, we might want to watch Cannibal Holocaust. I doubt it though.
I once had a film night with a couple of friends last year and convinced to girls to put Fight Club on.
It gets better. They both liked it.
That there was definitely a high point in my life.

I dream about so much it is absurd.

This is how I feel when I walk to work. When you are all tucked up in your warm beds I am singing this to myself.

As I was trying to get to sleep last night I was hindered by many thoughts. My thoughts were about work and how I cannot get my head round why people want to do it. People think I am lazy and have no ambitions but that's not true, I just care about other things.

And who really has an ambition to sit in an office all day doing a job that makes no difference in the world while your boss berates you because he had to sleep on the sofa again last night as his wife caught him screwing yet another secretary. Seriously, who has such ambitions?

So yes, it's been little over a month at my job and I am already having the usual Dan thoughts of 'what's the point?'.

As impulsive as I can be I'm not going to kick it all in, that would be stupid.

If I was earning money for a family I'd be fine, however I am just earning money for me.

And I don't even know what I am saving it for, probably university...

With all my thoughts about how unnatural working feels for me I began to wonder about what is natural in human life. I pondered love. When did that come into humanity?

At the beginning you'd want a mate for offspring, but did we always love our mates.

Or did we just see them as someone to produce offspring.

Did we try and protect them and look after them just so they would be safe and could produce more offspring.

Did this protection then create fuzzy, warm feelings.

Where did it all come from?

I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but last night as I wondered it just didn't make much sense at all.

Humans are a peculiar being, but some of them are alright.

Today I have been in a cheerier mood post-work. I think it's a sad reality that I will spend a third of my life asleep and another good proportion working. I'm just going to have to fill my free time with lots of life and living and when the going gets tough I'll just sing the Ballad of Serenity to myself.

But today has been good. And in all my cheer I experienced another moment where I had to question if the universe had some sort of consciousness to it. I was in the kitchen with my mother and sister and in one hand I had a pie dish, the other hand contained a can of squirty cream. It felt like the universe had purposely put me in control of such a situation and I could not fight it.

Maturity went out the window, and a cream pie in my sisters face.

I don't really think it was a cause to find faith though as I am still here and still not believing. In all honesty the idea of a God, a heaven or some eternal bliss scares me much more than nothingness.

I've kept you long enough now. Hush Dan.

hey man (now you're really living)

The New Year is upon us.

I've decided that two thousand and ten has a better ring to it than twenty ten. Twenty ten sounds a bit shitty and common.

My New Years Eve was great! Well it was nothing special, but it was what I needed.

Old faces and new faces all smiling. All the hugs and kisses and well wishing that comes once a year. And to top it all off, Sol was just £2 a bottle! The good times did roll with a wedge of lime.

Of course, I have spent the first day of a new year hungover much like the rest of the world. It's the best way and it was nothing some Chinese cuisine could not fix.

I do hope y'all had an enjoyable night too and now go do what you wish with your new, fresh faced year.