Blue Monday

Last night I didn't need to decide what to do with myself as when I went up to my room to find something I found a text on my phone. So out I went.
And it was a good thing as it good rid of all that hate.
Apart from the ice, I'm not friends with that.
We all played Articulate. Anna and myself won, leaving Anna and Matt a bitter second, and Lizzy and Tom a far third. It was a very funny evening, it felt like the times we had a few years ago when you are sat in a friends room and spend the whole time laughing.
I got a lift part way home which was nice as it saved me a whole trek across of all of Buxton.
And then when I was home everyone was in bed, so I went up too. And I was back to where I was three hours ago, wondering what to do.
I wanted to read but I knew if I did I would then feel awfully isolated, I don't know why, I just had that feeling.
So I put the radio on and listened to a debate about cosmetic surgery until I finally fell asleep.

As I fell asleep with the radio on last night I woke up dead on eight o'clock by my man love. Gordon Ramsey was on.
How I love that man. So I spent a couple of hours in bed just lying there, listening and chuckling. I should fall asleep with the radio more often because I love waking up to it.
Until Fearne Cotton comes on, she never fails to get me out of bed. She is an awful person with that pointy face and phony personality.

I finally watched Cannibal Holocaust. It was the middle of the day and I was cold and bored, so up I went to my room, got in bed and put it on. It's very much a film that has to compete with it's own hype and I wish I had seen it without hearing all the stories about it.
Is it worthy of the title "Most Controversial Film Ever Made"?
Well, I haven't seen every film ever made but I don't know. I mean it's bad but it's not the worse I have seen. The majority of the gore is very 80's, being too bright and too light. However at the end, the gore there could compete with a film of today and possibly win.
There is also a lot of sex and rape of the highly revealing sort, a hairs breadth away from being pornography.
But with just these two factors I don't think the film would of been so widely banned, it would of still been shunned but not as much.
The thing that probably made it so controversial, and I can understand why, is that the film has six genuine killings of animals.
I can see why that is a reason to ban it in some ways.
But then you look in a supermarket and look at all the meat, that all came from killing animals. Some things people would rather accept than witness I guess.
The film itself is a very good social commentary I found, yet there were a few parts of cheesy dialogue that made me cringe. I'm sure we all knew that in that situation the White Man was the savage and not the "savages".
So it was not the worst film I have seen though I am not a fair observer, I'm that desensitised I wouldn't know a bad film if I saw one.

Today is what they call Blue Monday. The most depressing day of the year.
They even have a formula to work it out.
Because of this I should probably discuss something depressing.
I'm not feeling very blue though because I am still yet to learn about the joys of debt.
Death is depressing to most people. Unless of course Morrissey was to die, for me that would be better than Hallowe'en. And I fucking love Hallowe'en.
So yeah, Death.
I haven't been in his presence for some time, but I am ready for him.
I have my funeral playlist all ready, I recently added another song to it which is a pretty big deal as I have to be very discriminant otherwise I'd get carried away.
It's a real shame that I will be dead on my funeral because this playlist is so wonderful, and I want to see how it affects you all. Hopefully it will affect you in the way I want it too.
I'd also like to be at my own funeral to see everyone who meant something to me during my years because there will only be one other day in my life where I will be in a room full of all my family and friends, and that would be my wedding day.
Assuming of course I don't die before hand. And chances of that happening are probably quite high.
Sucks to be future Mrs. Roberts.

Happy Blue Monday!

Hey ho, lets go!

Last night was a wonderful night.
We had my Uncle Steve and Auntie Sue over.
Steve is my very favourite person I have ever met.
I hope that one day I might just be like him. He knows so much about music, and endless knowledge and I love talking to him about it all, and having a good old discussion about punk music. Learning about all the bands he met when he was at university in Edinburgh. Including The Ramones!
And he is the funniest guy I have ever met. He's hilarious.
And he has a huge arsenal of funny stories and anecdotes. One from last night being about the time he was chased by his dentist with a drill around the surgery. Not from his childhood, but from the last time he went to the dentist.
If I could have just one story like his to tell, I will die a very, very, very happy man.
Sadly, because I had been up early for work I was knackered and threw in the towel at half past eleven.
A wise move because people were still up at 6am and had I stayed up that long I might of died. Or just been really tired, but I would of probably died.
And I need my sleep, so I can work on having a vast and useless knowledge of music and having hilarious and almost unbelievable stories to tell.

Today has been a quiet day in contrast. Involving carvery and Assassins Creed II. Simple pleasures.
I'm not sure what to do with myself tonight though. It's very warm downstairs to I might escape to my room upstairs.
But then what?
I could read Transmetropolitan, maybe watch a film. Spaced?
I just don't know what to do, because I want to be alone but that leaves me with not much to do.
"Why do you want to be alone, Dan?"
Oh, I'm just in one of those moods. The one where if anyone asks me a question I will find them insufferable and want to hit them repeatedly in the face.
I'm just a hate filled individual.

Here is Moby.
Moby is one of my secret pleasures in life, I love him.

End Times

I can't think of much to talk about today.
I'm in a very good mood so I think my content feeling is making me all the more care free.

I got my early night last night. I went up at 7pm and watched The Bourne Ultimatum. It's such a good male film with espionage, conspiracy, a car chase and murder by towel.

Yesterday I was looking high and low for a book. A Dame To Kill For, from the Sin City series. It's the second book of seven and it's the only one that the entire world has none of.
And I don't fancy getting it on Ebay for £70.
I don't understand why this particular volume is so difficult to buy and I am pretty sure it was in stock on Amazon the other week.
I think there must of been a warehouse fire in the only warehouse that stocked it.
I asked WHSmiths to find the book for me. They say one to two weeks, so until then I will have to make do with other reading material.

Work was really good today I thought. I was really awake and the person on with me was also part time so I felt more free, as it were. I have some more burns to add to story of my life and I doubt that no amount of time and practice will stop my accumulation of burns.
And with all the extra hours I did over Christmas I banked a fair old number of holiday hours which I need to use up before April. Look's like Dan will be getting a week or more off soon.

Tonight may be a night in for me, but I have my Aunt and Uncle coming.
This means lots of food, and once again lots of alcohol.
I'm on the donor register so I should care for my liver more, I'm no dying alcoholic though so I'm sure everything is good and where it should be.
I don't think I have ever had such a busy month, and it's only the 16th. I am loving it!

I just pre-ordered End Times. The new EELS album.
Comes out on the 19th, so I should get it on the 20th/21st.
I could download it and have it on the day seems how my CD player doesn't work, but if I keep buying CDs it might make me buy a new CD player.
And it might be a really pretty CD with pictures, just like my Third Eye Blind one was.
I think this album will be a depressingly uplifting one.
Yes, that's right, depressingly uplifting.
And what does a new album mean? Album world tour! So I hope, and if my hopes aren't slashed I'll be there.
Then I will just need to see Third Eye Blind, which wont be so easy.
Harder still, Tammany Hall NYC. Assuming they are still a band.
Jeff Mangum has sadly fallen off the music world.
Joe Strummer, well he's dead.
The Mountain Goats are headlining some UK festival this summer, but I'm not digging £130 just to see them. I have the optimistic thought of if they are over here, they might as well play a few locations. We shall wait and see.
But hey, I saw the Goo Goo Dolls. That was a beautiful night.

Speaking of which.
Where is their new album as they released a new song nearly two years ago.


 

There are no pan-Asian supermarkets down in hell...

... so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts.

Just some helpful advice from a song.

Yesterday's pictures were from Land of the Dead. Kudos to those who knew that, which would of been none of you.

I put them there as my hangover cure for yesterday was coffee and Land of the Dead. And I just couldn't think of any pictures to illustrate whatever I was talking about.

It's a very enjoyable film, more so this time round because last time I watched it I was busy doing that friendship thing.

I like how it says even at the end of the world the rich will divide themselves from the poor.

You've got zombies at your door but you will still give money it's useless value.

I also like how the zombies seem to get smarter, less instinctual and more thought to planning.

It's unlikely that when zombies take over the world this will happen, but it made for a good story in a film.

I haven't a clue where I got my love for zombies from. I was trying to think of the first zombie film I watched but nothing is coming to mind.

This picture here is from Day of the Dead, a sadly underrated film.

It was that scene which made me fall in love with special effects.

My evening last night was a most enjoyable one.

I had the best curry I have ever eaten, and I have sure eaten many.

And my cake. Well, that too was the best cake I have ever eaten.

Screw modesty, my cake was fucking amazing! It was perfect. I might go get some more right now to remind me how good it is.

Quiet a bit of alcoholic beverage was consumed once more. We're only half way through this month but I am pretty sure I have spent most of it drunk.

Damn proud I am.

I still need to work on my dinner talk I think. I talk about things that give children nightmares, such as 99942 Apophis. I can't help it, I'm fascinated with the end of the world.
Then I had a debate with my mum about who was the better cook. This soon became childish resulting in retorts such as, "no, I'm better!"
Better than usual dinner talk though.
"Bad weather..."
"... yeah. How are you?"
"Okay. You?"
"Same."
"..."
"..."

I was pretty much dead at work today. I'm blaming my cough for that. I might even have to go to the doctors and pay for a prescription.

Or lie and tick the education or benefits box.

And the rain has returned!

I enjoyed it, it was a much loved change from the constant whiteness.

And a nice walk in the rain can be ever so cleansing and uplifting. Well it is for me.

I think I'll go chop up the Christmas tree and maybe follow it with more manly activities and then have a really, really early night in the hope it will make me just a little more alive for tomorrow.

Now here's a depressing song. Enjoy!

The bittersweet life of a small town mk. II

I named yesterdays post The bittersweet life of a small town but failed to go into why.
Like I said, I wasn't in a much of a talky mood.
I think bittersweet is the right word to use, I don't use the word often so I could be wrong and if so, please forgive me.

I find living in a small town good and bad.
This thought was brought on when someone added me on Facebook and I knew I knew them but could not remember why. She also added my mother and was talking to her.
Then I remembered who she was, and turns out she is the sister of someone I have known of for many years. I wasn't surprised by this though, I just thought to myself "makes sense, this is Buxton after all".
And that's what it's like here. You can walk through town and bump into several people you know.
I spend most my time looking over my shoulder to make sure I avoid such situations as most people I just want to avoid.
This is because I am a terrible person. If there were a hell, that's where I'd be going.
But Dan, didn't you say a small town was bittersweet?
Yes, yes I did. So as bad as it is that everyone knows everyone and I will always see the same old faces it's not always that bad.
Makes life more friendly.
I'd prefer a city, then if you bump into anyone it will be more of a surprise and everyone loves surprises.
And if you ever see someone you know when your in a different country, well that's just amazing.

Anyway,
I didn't sit in the corner and read The Road last night because I went out instead.
I have spent much of January in the Clubhouse, watching the price of Corona go up as if it were petrol. £3.03 a bottle now, but well worth it as you get a wedge of lime.
Last night was grand. It was something I very much needed as I think I have the Winter Blues.
And I also got talk to people about things I have needed to talk about since before Christmas. Some of those words had been bottled up since as far back as summer.
I enjoy talking, I feel sometimes people think some subject matters will be awkward for me but you'll be pushed to make me awkward. I can watch a film with a sex scene with my mother and make her feel awkward, not me. Skills.
But yes, I do love talking sometimes. There isn't many times I feel like I have to get something off my chest because truth be told my youth has been pretty vacant of drama and dilemmas.
I feel like that is a shame sometimes and I occasionally feel like I missed out on a lot of growing up, but I like me and I like where I am so it doesn't matter how I got here.
So yes, last night was thoroughly enjoyable. And ordinary night but one that meant more than it's simplicity.

Another thing I am also enjoying at the moment is people saying similar things to me.
Or people saying that I should do so and so because I'll love it.
I'm enjoying this because it reminds how people do actually know me.
Most the time though I will get pissed of at people if they say I should do anything because I can be a very spiteful individual and will do the opposite of what people say just because they told me to do it, regardless of what my real feelings on the subject are.
But at the moment I am enjoying it and making the most of it.

Oops. I have gone this far and forgot it's my sisters birthday.
I need to go to the shop and get some milk then bake a cake.
Then we're all going out for a curry this evening. So I get to schedule this for an auto-post!
I could just post it now, but I enjoy playing with things such as auto-posting. The geek that I am.
Speaking of which, I need to order more Sin City.
I should probably go now as I'm sure I have managed to talk to much once again, and that cake won't bake itself.


I know. Jimmy Eat World again?
Yes.
I go through phases where I listen to them loads. Mainly in summer 
though.
But I crave the summer, hence I listen to summer bands.
I enjoy this songs lots, despite how epically emo it is. It is one of my 
favourite songs to play as it's just so... what's the word... bouncy?
I miss the summer a lot. I just want some grass and my bare feet.
Or a beach!


I believe in the sand beneath my toes,
the beach gives a feeling, and earthly feeling.
I believe in the faith that grows,
and the four right chords can make me cry.
When I'm with you I feel like I could die, and that would be alright.
Alright!


Sorry, I broke into song there. I'm actually going to go now.

The bittersweet life of a small town.

I feel I talk to much so I shall try to be concise tonight. I also can't be arsed talking on and on either.

I read all of the first Sin City last night in one sitting. It was Marv-elous! Anyone get the pun? Thought not.
This now means that I need to buy the rest.
I said that this year I would try and do more arty things but so far those words have remained hollow. But reading so many comics is bound to be a virtue and not a vice as I'm sure it will inspire me more.
I also said I should play more guitar and do more music related activities.
And I am doing okay on that front. Like today after my shower I played guitar until I was dry. No need for a towel when you have Rory.
Still, I was just playing along to my iTunes but that will again inspire me.
So I hope.

I had work today. Started at 12pm not 6am which was a blessing. Finished at 4pm. A nice short day.
Seemed to take forever though as the shop is so dead and there was nothing for me to do apart from little things. But I do love the little things sometimes, like putting stickers on bags. Slow, steady, mundane and meditative - beautiful.

Not sure what to do tonight. I don't want to do anything really.
I would be happy just to sit in the corner hugging the lamp light and reading The Road until I fall asleep.

Say what again. Say what again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!

Last night I went to my fathers and I actually wanted to go for a change.
Not for the company, I just had lots of books and films there that I wanted to liberate.
I know have my nose in three books but I really want to start reading Sin City. I might just start it anyway.
I also forgot that I had Spaced, so that's a lot of tv I need to watch. I love Simon Pegg. I wish I had a friend like him, or when I grow up I hope to be just like him. Either or will be good.

I also rescued Pulp Fiction from my dads. I got that for Christmas because I had never seen it and really wanted to.
It's a little odd that a person such as I that watches such a high number of films would not of seen such a classic.
I don't know why that is. Maybe because I was only four when it came out and no one in my family owns it and I can never remember it being on tv.
There are a few high profile films I am yet to see, one of them being The Godfather. Yep, you heard me, I still haven't seen The Godfather.
But today, at least I got to cross Pulp Fiction off my to-watch-list.
And what a film it is.
It's up there with the best.
It's such a well rounded film coming full circle, in a way, as it starts and finishes at the same point. And the middle is a jumble of characters and time lines.
It's a straight forward story but you wouldn't think it would be because of the jumble of characters and time line, and that made me love it all the more.
Maybe it is just because when I used to watch films with gangsters in I would be really confused and therefore hate the film. The Departed was the film that stopped that trend, and that too is an amazing film.
Pulp Fiction is beautiful. Probably not in the conventional sense, more in the hot hooker sense. The sort where you have to have her there in the car because you wouldn't be able to drive twenty yards down the road and fight the will to rip her clothes off. I think this metaphor isn't going to well so I am going to leave it now.
Let's just say it's one of my very favourite films.

After Pulp Fiction I didn't know what to do, so I watched 5x2. A French film because I am so very cultured.
That was a film which told a love story in reverse. From a couples divorce to the when they first met. It was told in five different scenes and it was a pleasing film.
It had one of those revealing sex scenes in where you wonder how on Earth are they pretending to have sex without actually having sex. Is his dick taped to his leg or something to stop it poking places? Who knows.
And no, I wasn't just watching some French porno.
It was nice to watch a film with such a happy ending, but if only they knew they weren't going to last. They started out so infatuated and in love, only to get divorced and hate each other - isn't life wonderful?
Wow, that was pessimistic. I apologise.
This film made me wish I was a tall, bearded Frenchmen.
Go to a cafe, drink some coffee from a tiny cup, smoke a cigarette, eat a bloody steak, go to a dinner party which then becomes an orgy.
I must point out that I am not actually ignorant and stupid, I just enjoy to make blanket statements. I'm sure not every French dinner party ends in an orgy...

I'll probably watch another film tonight as it's been a while since I have had a film day.
I have probably also bored you enough for another day so I shall leave you with one the greatest moments in cinema.

I love my Captain

As I said, I watched Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives last night. It is one of the best things I've seen.
Imagine this; quantum mechanics to the backdrop of the EELS, it's like my version of porn.
Quantum mechanics is fascinating, and the idea of parallel universes is something that appeals to me greatly. It is also something that makes sense to me and it was the conclusion I came to myself when pondering the universe and fate.

Sometimes I miss physics as it was something I was good at and something that was enjoyable. Not all the work was fun, but the thought provoking side to it all was amazing. It was just a series of events that lead me to leaving physics behind.
I don't regret it though as even though I find it really interesting it's not something that I would call a passion. I could not be a scientist sat in his lab writing paper after paper and never getting recognition.

Music though, that's probably a passion of mine but I can never imagine how I could incorporate it into my life other than just having it as a hobby. But a hobby will keep me sane all the same.
And Mark Oliver Everett. I love him so much. He is without doubt my hero, and it's nice to have a living hero for once as my list of heroes is:

• Joe Strummer

I may have some other heroes but I can't think of any others right now that are real people and not fictional characters.
I'd love to have a conversation with Everett and after that conversation he would most likely be my best friend. I doubt he would return the love.

Back to today. I woke up far to early today and have been feeling a bit weird. Similar to when I donated blood so the only logical explanation for this is that last night while I was asleep a vampire came and drank some of my blood.
"But Dan, wont you become a vampire?" I hear you ask.
No, I wont. See they only took my blood and I didn't drink from theirs so I'll be fine, I'll just be feeling a bit fainty for the day.
Luckily I am reading the book The Vampire Watchers Handbook: A Guide for Slayers so if they come back I'll be ready.

I've been catching up on all the various films and programs I recorded over the holidays and today that included White Noise 2: The Light.
The sole reason for why I wanted to watch this film was because it had Nathan Fillion in it.
And if I ever meet a girl who loves him for the same reason as I do, well chances are I will marry that girl.

The film though was a very enjoyable one regardless of Fillion, but he made it all the better. It wasn't a comedy but it did have a couple of moments of his hilarious humour. And there was also a Firefly reference thrown it there too because the majority of people who would of watched that film would do it for the same reason as myself.
It started as a good film with some occasional humour and gave you a good warm feeling towards humanity. But then it became darker as more pieces were put together and things were no longer as simple as you once thought.
There was also a character called Sherry Clarke and I know someone called Sherri Clarke. If I had been a strong, paranoid believer in the paranormal I would of been worried about this, but as I am not, I was not.
A good film all in all made all the better by the beautiful face or Mr. Fillion.
The first White Noise was also a good film, and a far more chilling one until the final climax.
Sadly, film corporations don't like films where there is no physical villain and though out White Noise there was no villain, just three ghosty figures that would occasionally flash upon the screen. And my word those mother fuckers didn't half make me jump.
But the final climax these figures were now physical apparitions and that ruined the fact that they could be anywhere and could get you at anytime.
The film corporations don't think we can handle a film where the evil has no form and cannot he harmed.  They don't like evil prevailing over good. They think the audience don't want to be reminded of their morality and then on top of that have a villain that could strike you down at any moment for no reason.
I say fuck off to them. I can handle myself just fine.
And sometimes I want to watch a film that leaves me feeling empty afterwards because if a film has such an affect on me like that, then it is going to be a great film.

Once you realise what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes any sense

My final Christmas present arrived today. Nearly every year one of my presents is either late or doesn't arrive.
You see kids, Father Christmas isn't real and it's your parents who buy and hide all the presents, and sometimes one might not arrive from Forbidden Planet for a couple of weeks.
It was my Comedian poster that the postman gave me on the doorstep.
It was a very pleasant surprise.
Out of all the Watchmen, the Comedian is my favourite even if he is highly flawed and seen as completely unlikable.
I like him.
Someone might say that I am drawn towards awful and flawed people because I am in some way self loathing and self destructive and therefore I am sabotaging future happiness.
Anyone who says that though is a cock.
I like him as he makes everything all the more interesting, adds more drama and I enjoy his mockery of society.
Sure, he raped someone but that just adds to a better plot.

After putting my poster wall scroll thing up I thought it best to get dressed as I was in the right place for it; my room.
I went next door to the pub with the family.
I'm sure they only stock Corona because of me as no one else there would ever drink it, there all bitter people. I'm very happy that they have Corona in just for me.

Last year I made what I called A Year in the Life of Dan. It was a journal of sorts, and I use the word journal over diary to make it sound more manly. It was huge because if you hadn't of guessed I can ramble on and on and that was increased ten fold because I could write every little thing in my head.
This year I stopped doing it because I don't really need to do it. I'm not setting out to make this a noteworthy year so why should I document every detail.
I also don't want to become a person who is unable to speak his mind without writing it down before hand.
Despite all this it has been hard to not write everything in my head. I do feel like I have lost a limb, or in this case, my tongue.
The first three days were killer. But after that it became the norm to not write.
That is a general rule of thumb for me, three days to get over or adjust to whatever.
I do still sometimes think of things I want to say but can't anymore. I spent a year "vocalising" my thoughts even if it was just to myself.
I suppose I could discuss the more hidden aspects of my life with you.
Like how much it sucks when Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler!  
Or how sometimes I Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler! Spoiler!
No, as if I would discuss such things here. The names I could mention could one day read their very names and that would not be cool, not one bit.
You wont be my confident, but don't feel hard done by that because I've never had one and doubt I ever will.

Nope, instead you get to listen to my dilemmas.
Now do I watch my Goo Goo Dolls Live in Buffalo dvd, or Cannibal Holocaust?
Questions, questions.
Oh, wait! I have Parallel World, Parallel Lives to watch.
Then chances are I will watch Cannibal Holocaust as that is up here with me, whereas the Goo Goo Dolls is all the yonder downstairs.
After all that, here's a song for your troubles: