It has been lovely not doing this. I haven't felt tethered to something. And it's nice to not talk to a pair of imaginary ears, nice and not pathetic.
The other night was messy. Celebrating Jamie's birthday. It hurt, and it hurt for a good twenty-four hours afterwards. Not just small talk about the night, no, there are traits in myself to highlight.
Like I sorta wanted to get with someone but I didn't want to take the reigns so to speak, the back seat was for me as I didn't really want to drag someone into my own frustrations.
That wouldn't be nice.
But I was thinking of myself really, my image and the awkwardness that could follow.
Resent events mean that I wont be able to get to know a certain person I wanted to get to know better. I wanted to get to know her better for all the wrong reasons at the time, but the resent events would make it less frowned upon, but still frowned upon. Cryptic, I know, but I have to cover my tracks just incase anyone actually reads this. Anyway, I shall live as I'm sure my mind will forget all in a month.
Pointless to be truthful when the truth is hidden away? I don't think so, I just like to write my thoughts because once they are written down I can then use that part of my mind that was thinking about it to think about something new.
The OC is still going down a right treat. And whenever I watch something I relate to the situations and characters. At the moment I will be so bold to say Buxton is my Newport, and in this situation I would be Seth. I say this because it feels like a cage to me, but it isn't full of fake people at least. There are few similarities other than the fact I want to leave Buxton, but as I said, this is me.
But last night I was sat on the slopes and looking around, and I was thinking that it is a pretty place and I will miss aspects of it.
Yeah, I can't think of any other real reasons to my relating to Seth's feelings.
I must be annoying to people who see this trait of mine. I'll just find someone who finds it adorable.
Anywho, I'm going to watch The Thing with my mum. Despite how annoying she is I do love her, and in this case I love her annoying ability to watch anything. She'll watch anything just to be entertained, whereas I like to think I am a little deeper than that. I'm probably not, but don't shatter my ideas.
But tonight, I'm not annoyed with her for watching something she has no idea about. I'm probably just happy to have a bit of company while watching a horror, it's all new to me.
So I shall just have to find a woman who finds my fly away mind adorable and who also watches horror films.
She must also be red headed, not too tall, nice and curvy, play the cello or something of equal coolness, dabble in a little guitar too but must also have room for me to improve her life with such delights as Firefly, Tammany Hall NYC and myself.
I jest, I'm not that shallow.
Only a little, for I do mean it when I say I will only marry a beautiful person because if I am to awake next to her for the rest of my days I might as well awake to a beautiful sight that a scary one.
I'm sure you all think the same, I can just admit it.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Friday, 9 July 2010
Break my stride.
Finally broke the habit. A mid year resolution to not talk about my days on a day to day basis.
Ate heartily last night and still feel full now, then partied like it was 1997 with Bev. We had Third Eye Blind, Goo Goo Dolls and yo-yos!
I needed it for sure because maybe someone got too emotional when Anna went back to Pittsburgh. Only because the show is so awesome and embracing, and because areas of my life are empty at the moment I am substituting my absences with their presence.
Not in a sad depressing way, no, for I know I'll be filling up my life in no time at all.
I gave in my leaving date at work, but they don't need the formalities until a week before I piss off. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave them high and dry, but with the crazy one week notice system it looks like they will be screwed whatever way.
I will be missed, I know it. I am the best there apart from Ann. I could easily be the supervisor as there is nothing to it. And I am told these things too, it's not just my opinion. I'm an asset.
It will be nice to be missed, and despite all my hate, I think I will miss aspects. I'll miss the people, I might miss the hours because I like having afternoons and evenings to myself. I'll miss having a uniform that perfectly matches my hair, although I wont miss the fact it always reeks of chicken fat no matter how many times I wash it. I'll miss having a manager who treats me like a friend, and who maybe fancies me.
Yeah, I have developed an arrogance, it's pretty sweet.
I'll miss being really good at stuff and having newbies look at me the same way I looked at people when I started.
But I wont miss it for many reasons. Customers; nearly all wankers. The work; endless. The smell; rank. The management; shit.
It'll be good to leave.
Though it has lead me to think that maybe I should have a higher opinion on myself. I've been modest for my life, thought nothing extraordinary of myself. I have been awesome at this job, I can't help but feel pride in what I do despite the hate. My last job at the radio station I was awesome at, I'd get the days work done in three hours and spend the rest of the day drinking coffee, listening to music and drawing while occasionally answering the phone.
Not a massive resumé to form a conclusive conclusion, but along with other things like my kitchen skills I think I should have a much higher opinion on myself.
New starts soon, and I shall have a confident head on my shoulders, and maybe a pinch of ego. I wont become an arrogant prick, not just yet anyway.
So, I shall remain silent until I feel I have something to type. Probably some psychoanalysis and rants about Nazis. The usual stuff.
Ate heartily last night and still feel full now, then partied like it was 1997 with Bev. We had Third Eye Blind, Goo Goo Dolls and yo-yos!
I needed it for sure because maybe someone got too emotional when Anna went back to Pittsburgh. Only because the show is so awesome and embracing, and because areas of my life are empty at the moment I am substituting my absences with their presence.
Not in a sad depressing way, no, for I know I'll be filling up my life in no time at all.
I gave in my leaving date at work, but they don't need the formalities until a week before I piss off. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave them high and dry, but with the crazy one week notice system it looks like they will be screwed whatever way.
I will be missed, I know it. I am the best there apart from Ann. I could easily be the supervisor as there is nothing to it. And I am told these things too, it's not just my opinion. I'm an asset.
It will be nice to be missed, and despite all my hate, I think I will miss aspects. I'll miss the people, I might miss the hours because I like having afternoons and evenings to myself. I'll miss having a uniform that perfectly matches my hair, although I wont miss the fact it always reeks of chicken fat no matter how many times I wash it. I'll miss having a manager who treats me like a friend, and who maybe fancies me.
Yeah, I have developed an arrogance, it's pretty sweet.
I'll miss being really good at stuff and having newbies look at me the same way I looked at people when I started.
But I wont miss it for many reasons. Customers; nearly all wankers. The work; endless. The smell; rank. The management; shit.
It'll be good to leave.
Though it has lead me to think that maybe I should have a higher opinion on myself. I've been modest for my life, thought nothing extraordinary of myself. I have been awesome at this job, I can't help but feel pride in what I do despite the hate. My last job at the radio station I was awesome at, I'd get the days work done in three hours and spend the rest of the day drinking coffee, listening to music and drawing while occasionally answering the phone.
Not a massive resumé to form a conclusive conclusion, but along with other things like my kitchen skills I think I should have a much higher opinion on myself.
New starts soon, and I shall have a confident head on my shoulders, and maybe a pinch of ego. I wont become an arrogant prick, not just yet anyway.
So, I shall remain silent until I feel I have something to type. Probably some psychoanalysis and rants about Nazis. The usual stuff.
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
One thousand words.
That is how many words a picture can tell.
Yet if you took a snapshot of me now and compare it to one of last summer you'd think I was living the same life. And I am, in a few ways, doing the same things.
Hair is different though.
The company I kept has been distilled to the max.
I have a job.
Maybe I am taller.
I have more scars.
Cutting it short, lots of things are different but I thought I would discuss how someone might look at me and think I am reliving what I was doing last summer.
I used to like dA, for what must of been a day.
But because you can have 'artistic' nude photos, it is just myspace with less clothes. And myspace didn't have many clothes to begin with.
New phone arrived today. I know remember why I never bothered getting one earlier. They aren't fun or exciting, just a means to communicate. I'll get a bigger memory card for it though, then I can cram it with music to listen to in the shower and other places where I cannot have my iPod.
I may need a new iPod soon. I might be able to drag this one to Christmas, but the screen is dying big time. Christmas present? Maybe. Along with a million dvd box sets.
Yet if you took a snapshot of me now and compare it to one of last summer you'd think I was living the same life. And I am, in a few ways, doing the same things.
Hair is different though.
The company I kept has been distilled to the max.
I have a job.
Maybe I am taller.
I have more scars.
Cutting it short, lots of things are different but I thought I would discuss how someone might look at me and think I am reliving what I was doing last summer.
I used to like dA, for what must of been a day.
But because you can have 'artistic' nude photos, it is just myspace with less clothes. And myspace didn't have many clothes to begin with.
New phone arrived today. I know remember why I never bothered getting one earlier. They aren't fun or exciting, just a means to communicate. I'll get a bigger memory card for it though, then I can cram it with music to listen to in the shower and other places where I cannot have my iPod.
I may need a new iPod soon. I might be able to drag this one to Christmas, but the screen is dying big time. Christmas present? Maybe. Along with a million dvd box sets.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Fool of a Took.
I just saw an advert for Predators with some familiar faces in it. Good faces too, have these actors no shame?
Work was a piece of piss, avoided the usual work and gutted the freezer and cleaned it. The whole floor had a layer of ice from mopping so I decided to be an ice skater. Fun times.
Seven hours later and not much more work it was time to go home. Sadly I missed the drama of Jeanne needing the urge to throw her authority around. But I got to rant with Adam and how no one has superiority over another human being. I hope that he gets to leave that place soon too.
Tomorrow I shall paint and take up time without too much OC as I am nearing the end of the box and the next one wont be here until Friday. Maybe I'll play with Rory too, but I cut my nails a tad too short and they hurt. These are the biggest problems in my life.
God I am shit at entertaining myself. Bored.
Don't know what to do.
Don't really want to do anything.
I should write a book.
Or I just need to find friends like Ryan and Seth because last night in my sleepy state I said to myself that I will see them tomorrow. Completely forgot they weren't real.
How foolish!
Work was a piece of piss, avoided the usual work and gutted the freezer and cleaned it. The whole floor had a layer of ice from mopping so I decided to be an ice skater. Fun times.
Seven hours later and not much more work it was time to go home. Sadly I missed the drama of Jeanne needing the urge to throw her authority around. But I got to rant with Adam and how no one has superiority over another human being. I hope that he gets to leave that place soon too.
Tomorrow I shall paint and take up time without too much OC as I am nearing the end of the box and the next one wont be here until Friday. Maybe I'll play with Rory too, but I cut my nails a tad too short and they hurt. These are the biggest problems in my life.
God I am shit at entertaining myself. Bored.
Don't know what to do.
Don't really want to do anything.
I should write a book.
Or I just need to find friends like Ryan and Seth because last night in my sleepy state I said to myself that I will see them tomorrow. Completely forgot they weren't real.
How foolish!
Monday, 5 July 2010
Nineteen.
Again, another long day.
They seem longer because now I do things whereas for the final half of last year I did shit all and had to kill time before going to bed only to wake up and do it all again. It was a sad existance. But now I do things.
Kinda.
These things are not a better existance. Work and the time around that is filled with dvds and such. Still, I am happy and I am fond of this point in time. Work is still a bitch but i have four weeks left, and assumming that I just do three day weeks that is just tweleve shifts. I can count that on my hands, and soon I'll be counting them on the one hand.
I can't wait until I clock off for the last time. It's a high posibility that I run through the store naked.
Other things in the life of Dan. I feel my age.
I was doing a survey and had to tick the third box that was 19-24.
I don't get asked for ID anywhere, but that'll change when I am a new face in a new town.
There are many other things but I can't remember them so now I just look like a dick with two reasons here.
This could be a third, forgetful with my age, but I forget things all the time. I just don't listen to people.
Oh, and tonight there was a new kid in the bakery. Seems nice, a bit jockish, but because school is behind us all and I work with him it'll be no problem. He is seventeen, I wouldn't of guessed at first but now I know he looks it. Point is, his wages are teeny, four pound something an hour. And I was stood there being paid £6.12 for an hour of my time.
I'm not sure how I am feeling about this age stuff. At first I thought it was a bit sad, but now I am not so sure. The more years I clock up the more I will do with my life, the more people I will meet and the better I will get at things. Being eighteen was shit, too much hype for fuck all. Ninetine, it is an age I have grown to love. I feel like I have gained years of wisdom in a single year.
I'll say the same thing when I am twenty and look back on this moment and still think that I thought in a childish manner.
My pizza smells awful tasty so I must check it, then take it upstairs and show it a good time.
And by good time, I mean The OC.
They seem longer because now I do things whereas for the final half of last year I did shit all and had to kill time before going to bed only to wake up and do it all again. It was a sad existance. But now I do things.
Kinda.
These things are not a better existance. Work and the time around that is filled with dvds and such. Still, I am happy and I am fond of this point in time. Work is still a bitch but i have four weeks left, and assumming that I just do three day weeks that is just tweleve shifts. I can count that on my hands, and soon I'll be counting them on the one hand.
I can't wait until I clock off for the last time. It's a high posibility that I run through the store naked.
Other things in the life of Dan. I feel my age.
I was doing a survey and had to tick the third box that was 19-24.
I don't get asked for ID anywhere, but that'll change when I am a new face in a new town.
There are many other things but I can't remember them so now I just look like a dick with two reasons here.
This could be a third, forgetful with my age, but I forget things all the time. I just don't listen to people.
Oh, and tonight there was a new kid in the bakery. Seems nice, a bit jockish, but because school is behind us all and I work with him it'll be no problem. He is seventeen, I wouldn't of guessed at first but now I know he looks it. Point is, his wages are teeny, four pound something an hour. And I was stood there being paid £6.12 for an hour of my time.
I'm not sure how I am feeling about this age stuff. At first I thought it was a bit sad, but now I am not so sure. The more years I clock up the more I will do with my life, the more people I will meet and the better I will get at things. Being eighteen was shit, too much hype for fuck all. Ninetine, it is an age I have grown to love. I feel like I have gained years of wisdom in a single year.
I'll say the same thing when I am twenty and look back on this moment and still think that I thought in a childish manner.
My pizza smells awful tasty so I must check it, then take it upstairs and show it a good time.
And by good time, I mean The OC.
Sunday, 4 July 2010
These summer days are indeed long.
There is nothing in the world that fills me with the warmth that The OC gives off.
Literally.
I spent the afternoon in bed watching it and totally forgot that I had my own family. No Sandy.
It'll be okay, because when I have my own family I shall be like Sandy/Richard Castle for they are awesome fathers.
Then I had to put trousers on to eat chinese food. Awkward much?
It was from that place round the corner which is dirt cheap and not so great.
My kun po chicken wasn't a bright colour at least, oh no, it was the exact colour of blood.
My plate looked like it belonged on a horror film set, and is it so bad that it made it more appetising? I do enjoy torture porn, in the simply way of the gore, but I like it for other reasons too. I like to think I'm somewhat deeper than my need for violence.
Back to the food, I'm guessing it wasn't colouring and it was in fact a sauce made out of goats blood. Taste wise, it was spicy, good and hot and that hide it's flaws.
I feel I have shared with you my favourite things; The OC, blood and food.
Anywho, must bathe. Then I must watch Southland. Then catch up with The IT crowd (pronounced the it crowd, not the eye tea crowd). Then there is Bizarre ER too.
And if there is anymore time, more OC!
I love how it shows the importance of moral fibre and not wealth. On paper, you'd think Jimmy was a bad person, but he has a heart of gold and it amazing in nearly every way. Almost.
Second time I thought I wouldn't get the hots for Anna and dislike Summer, but it happened again. I want Seth to get with Anna again and forget about Summer.
What can you do?
Literally.
I spent the afternoon in bed watching it and totally forgot that I had my own family. No Sandy.
It'll be okay, because when I have my own family I shall be like Sandy/Richard Castle for they are awesome fathers.
Then I had to put trousers on to eat chinese food. Awkward much?
It was from that place round the corner which is dirt cheap and not so great.
My kun po chicken wasn't a bright colour at least, oh no, it was the exact colour of blood.
My plate looked like it belonged on a horror film set, and is it so bad that it made it more appetising? I do enjoy torture porn, in the simply way of the gore, but I like it for other reasons too. I like to think I'm somewhat deeper than my need for violence.
Back to the food, I'm guessing it wasn't colouring and it was in fact a sauce made out of goats blood. Taste wise, it was spicy, good and hot and that hide it's flaws.
I feel I have shared with you my favourite things; The OC, blood and food.
Anywho, must bathe. Then I must watch Southland. Then catch up with The IT crowd (pronounced the it crowd, not the eye tea crowd). Then there is Bizarre ER too.
And if there is anymore time, more OC!
I love how it shows the importance of moral fibre and not wealth. On paper, you'd think Jimmy was a bad person, but he has a heart of gold and it amazing in nearly every way. Almost.
Second time I thought I wouldn't get the hots for Anna and dislike Summer, but it happened again. I want Seth to get with Anna again and forget about Summer.
What can you do?
Saturday, 3 July 2010
High on Firefly.
I was going to say I had High on Firefly stuck in my head yesterday, but the truth is it has been in my head this morning!?!
It has been a long day and my sense of time has gone. I honestly don't believe I was at work this morning.
But it has been a good long day, the kind where you feel you have got lots done. Even if I have done nothing.
Lucky that I just checked my phone. My evening plans of watching The OC have been side lined, so I shall cram some in now and then go socialise with real friends. Even if they are nothing on Ryan and Seth.
I should buy a new phone. I shall do that now also. I saw a white one that looked nice, and it was only £30.
My head aches, really bad, so I must drink lots tonight to cover it up. This might end up making everything worse in the morning, but it's okay as I have work. I think I have to be there for half nine. That is when I will turn up. If I am late, worse things happen at sea.
I could ring and ask, but the more I think the more adamant I am that it is half nine.
Last thing, some news came out today. Funny that it would come out such a day where it complimented my feelings. That is all.
It has been a long day and my sense of time has gone. I honestly don't believe I was at work this morning.
But it has been a good long day, the kind where you feel you have got lots done. Even if I have done nothing.
Lucky that I just checked my phone. My evening plans of watching The OC have been side lined, so I shall cram some in now and then go socialise with real friends. Even if they are nothing on Ryan and Seth.
I should buy a new phone. I shall do that now also. I saw a white one that looked nice, and it was only £30.
My head aches, really bad, so I must drink lots tonight to cover it up. This might end up making everything worse in the morning, but it's okay as I have work. I think I have to be there for half nine. That is when I will turn up. If I am late, worse things happen at sea.
I could ring and ask, but the more I think the more adamant I am that it is half nine.
Last thing, some news came out today. Funny that it would come out such a day where it complimented my feelings. That is all.
Friday, 2 July 2010
Flame on!
So it would seem that I know myself pretty well. Even if what I predict 'aint all to great.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Welcome to the OC, bitch.
I'm all itchy. I'm guessing I got eaten last night.
Now I am sat here and it feels like I was at work yesterday, but in actual fact I was there this morning for what felt like a blink of an eye.
A very nice feeling.
When I got home I found The O.C. had arrived. Beautiful.
Just watched some now. So much foreshadowing. And it is amazingly writing and laid out. The first episode is reflected on itself, even down to Ryan having a bruise on his other cheek. Maybe that wasn't intentional, but if it was, well done.
Just glorious.
I'll probably watch some more later. I need to sort my hair tonight. Brighten the bad boy up.
I might play some Final Fantasy IX instead?
So many nice choices!
Now I am sat here and it feels like I was at work yesterday, but in actual fact I was there this morning for what felt like a blink of an eye.
A very nice feeling.
When I got home I found The O.C. had arrived. Beautiful.
Just watched some now. So much foreshadowing. And it is amazingly writing and laid out. The first episode is reflected on itself, even down to Ryan having a bruise on his other cheek. Maybe that wasn't intentional, but if it was, well done.
Just glorious.
I'll probably watch some more later. I need to sort my hair tonight. Brighten the bad boy up.
I might play some Final Fantasy IX instead?
So many nice choices!
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