My body is a cage.

I sure turned that frown upside down.
Kind of.
The other night I was hit with a good amount of panic concerning life and what I want to fill it with. I had been too happy for too long and too focused on certain things. Then all the thoughts I had ignored over the past however many weeks all came at me in one swoop.
I used that to my advantage and pinned myself to the internet for hours planning out things.
Then I needed a break so I watched The Hurt Locker. And so melted away all my previous thoughts of the evening and I was back wondering what I actually want to do with my life. I love films so much and I could work on the sets as a make up artist, but I'm now thinking if I want more. Would being just a small piece of a machine bother me and will that make me want to be a bigger piece. Will I want my name to be known everywhere.
I sure had a lot rolling about my head which made me sink into a sadness. I just felt as if I was back at square one not having a clue on what I want to do.
Because of this I thought I would just sulk my way through the next day, but I was determined to turn my mood into something worthwhile. I wanted to write a song but as always I didn't get much further than thinking about lyrics.
No, instead I listened to Arcade Fire which along with my mood inspired me to make something.
I finished that something today. I'm not sure what to call it, it's just something. More of a mock up, just something to get me doing things and finding what I like best.
It felt like I had reached within myself and pulled out all that negativity and put it out there into a physical form.

After all this, I am still not certain about what I want to do with my life. I'll carry on pursuing what I am doing now but I don't think I will ever have a life long career, it depends on who I meet along the way.
I'm also watching Long Way Round again. I'd love to do something like that but first I will need to find the Charley Boorman to my Ewan McGregor.