Slicing up eyeballs.

That went extremely well.
I was nervous with my presents. I don't do them often.
It's a nice feeling though, going out on a limb or whatever they say and feeling nervous about it. Exposing one self and one self's love. But not really, for it was just a birthday present, nothing dramatic.
And they went down a treat, making the nice feeling all the better with the payoff of relief and the fact you know someone well.
This evening has been in the style of a diner party and it was lovely. Truly.
I thought when I have the house to myself for a week after holidaying it up I would par-tay it up, but now I think I want to throw a glorious diner party.
But what to do?
I love Mexican but I'm not sure it if it has a status worthy of diner party food.
Maybe Greek from my recent exposure?
Asian is always a winner for such situations but I do it often.
Or weather permitting, something al fresco with a barbeque involved?
My this is awfully exciting!
I'll plan more, get more excited about food and then decide.
Excellent.
Also, super addicted to this song:

Miss it,

miss it like a hole in my head.
Yesterday walking home I was filled with warmth but could see impending sadness of leaving my job. I know, I found the feeling as strange as these words, but it is true.
I felt superior last night as I was with a new guy (lovely guy, incredibly slow), he was asking me what I wanted him to do. I like moments like that.
But today I really wanted to punch my boss in the face. I settled for back talk.
People always say that in situations like todays it's like being in school. This continues throughout life, so I have decided that it is not like being at school and it is in fact just another beautiful feat of human beings.

So today I get home cursing. Then did nothing but read I Am Legend. Well, after watching the rest of City of God. How amazing is that film? It captures the essence of every moment perfectly, even if a lot of the essences are ugly.
But I Am Legend. A good book to reflect the mornings feelings I think. I can watch a film and analyse bits of it, but with books I have never done that really. I just read them.
But this time around the final few chapters of I Am Legend I saw for their meaning, and it still remains my very favourite book.
I really need to finish Memoirs of a Geisha as I want to take a good book on holiday. I need to finish In The Aeroplane Over the Sea, but that should take no more than an hour. Yet I am sure that I will start a new one regardless.
Now though I need some OC because season two has lasted two weeks or something ludicrous! Crazy, I know.

Wrapping paper.

I don't need to this, and I shouldn't.
But, I just feel like a chat, even if that means creating someone to talk to.
Today has been nice. I bought presents for upcoming birthdays. I feel good for doing so, but I have a few fears. These must be what normal people feel as it is rare I will put myself out there, but here I am going all out. I'm glad too, because I really want these people to see how much I care for them. And I still feel like apologising after abandoning everyone last year.
I look back with shame, I look at myself and wonder how I let things get under my skin so much, how I became captivated with opinions that weren't mine. How I started to hate people that in actual fact, I loved.
It's all out my system though, thankfully. Not for good, that I am sure of, but next time around I will have hindsight and knowledge to take my hand.
And this leads nicely to the other thing.
Fine & Dandy is on hiatus. That being a comic I thought about doing. I have the prologue and the sketches for it and chances are I will turn it into a finished product but I shall leave it there for now because I don't think it is something I can reign in on my own. I shall wait for the help and inspiration.
Also, I have my sights set on a new project.
Comics have strong, passionate and occasionally melodramatic personas in them, and this got me thinking about when I like a girl.
Not sure how I then got to the idea of writing some kind of autobiographical comic about girls. I think it was to put myself back into the shoes of days gone by to write in an overly dramatic persona, just to get in the practice.
I definitely want to do it because I have been planning it all out these past two days.
I don't want to be a graphic novelist, but I fancy dipping my toe in the pool, so starting with something personal is bound to be easier.

Other news:
I have headaches, big time.
As you know, I dabble in smoking, or should I say I did.
It was on/off for a couple of years. More of the off because to begin with I'm sure I must of had like a cigarette a month, but recently they have been on the up. Weekly, daily.
But they were not bad, they still gave me a good high and provided me with many artistic ideas. But I vowed that the day that I have a cigarette and it doesn't give me that great feeling I would stop.
Well, that day came and went.
I didn't care, but then they started to make me feel ill. Maybe my mental disgust had a hand to play, or the fact the last couple of cigarettes had been smoked when I was wasted and then I threw up.
Whatever it was, I threw them away to ensure I'd stop.
This is something I always wanted to do though, give up smoking on nothing but will power to prove it's strength.
But it's not hard, it's not like I was a smoker, twenty a day habit, that would be hard.
This is the life of leisure in comparison.

Runaway dog.

I am most definitely a better person now I don't do this daily. What was I thinking, really?

Not a huge deal to report, but ahead I shall go.
Work. I don't pay it enough attention to hate it anymore because my leaving date is almost in my grasp. Next week will be a swine, Adam is on holiday, but I'll be happy to work more if it means he gets a week off because he shouldn't be there, he should be traveling the world and telling me his stories.
Week after that is a super nice one if all remains well, plus new person! It also makes me feel less bad for leaving because I like my department (minus Rob) and I wouldn't want to leave them in a pickle.
Another thing to mention about work, my boss came and had a chat with me about leaving and polite questions about life plans. It was nice of her, and despite all he faults I cannot say she doesn't have a relationship with all her employees. That is a good thing.
Anyway, enough supermarket talk.

Carnival. A day of many things. Met up with just two people, though we did visit a couple of friends who were at work. Got sweets and bitched about people, then bitched about the quality of the floats. Good fun.
Then wet. Then places to go, but I ended up at a friends for a little while where I borrowed I Love You, Man (which is good) and got I Am Legend back ready to read on holiday, assuming I can wait. I also need to get Kavalier and Clay.
Lift home to save being rained on, and ever so thankful was I.
Recently though, I have been wondering what it will be like when I meet up with friends after vast amounts of time. I wonder because there was this girl I liked, which is nothing new, but after not seeing her for ages and then seeing her I got nostalgic feelings for her. Not real feelings, all nostalgic it was.
Now some of my female friends I have liked in the past and I wonder if that will happen again.
I hope not.
See, this is why I write out my thoughts. Now I have written this I can see that if I am not single when I see them after a long time I should be sound as a pound.
Anyway, it's not a fear, just a mere thought I had.

Carnival evening was short. To begin with, some theatre. Then beer.
Just one for Dan as he had work in the morning and he just didn't fancy drinking loads for there was no celebration and he did get pretty ill from his last session.
But with all the laughter, I wouldn't of had time to drink.
Saw lots of old faces, and conversed at length with them about all sorts. It's nice to have common roots with people.
Someone I had a lovely and passionate talk about music said a warm hello to me, the pathetic person I am I like to believe it was because she remembered even though it was a good year ago. There was a girl with one of the cutest noses I have ever seen too, I would of liked to of said hi to her, and would of gotten the chance had I not promised to walk someone home. Curses.
There was someone else who said hi to me earlier which was, something. Made me doubt myself and my actions for a good thirty seconds before I knew I was right in my place. And I never want to get onto that slippery slope again.
And there were a million people I didn't get the chance to talk to, after doing my walking home duties of the night I thought about going back but I wanted to go home. I was tired, my knee hurt and I had work. A wise call.
Still, I can't help but feel I missed out on something great.

Hmm, I thought I'd be analytical in my talking but I wasn't.
What to say...?
Soldiers are not heroes.
Also, having the term 'hero', it would be nice if we didn't have it and everyone was instinctively heroic.
However, what would I of done the past few days if that were so, there'd be no Batman and as a result no Arkham Asylum to play.

Sight for sore eyes.

It has been lovely not doing this. I haven't felt tethered to something. And it's nice to not talk to a pair of imaginary ears, nice and not pathetic.
The other night was messy. Celebrating Jamie's birthday. It hurt, and it hurt for a good twenty-four hours afterwards. Not just small talk about the night, no, there are traits in myself to highlight.
Like I sorta wanted to get with someone but I didn't want to take the reigns so to speak, the back seat was for me as I didn't really want to drag someone into my own frustrations.
That wouldn't be nice.
But I was thinking of myself really, my image and the awkwardness that could follow.

Resent events mean that I wont be able to get to know a certain person I wanted to get to know better. I wanted to get to know her better for all the wrong reasons at the time, but the resent events would make it less frowned upon, but still frowned upon. Cryptic, I know, but I have to cover my tracks just incase anyone actually reads this. Anyway, I shall live as I'm sure my mind will forget all in a month.
Pointless to be truthful when the truth is hidden away? I don't think so, I just like to write my thoughts because once they are written down I can then use that part of my mind that was thinking about it to think about something new.

The OC is still going down a right treat. And whenever I watch something I relate to the situations and characters. At the moment I will be so bold to say Buxton is my Newport, and in this situation I would be Seth. I say this because it feels like a cage to me, but it isn't full of fake people at least. There are few similarities other than the fact I want to leave Buxton, but as I said, this is me.
But last night I was sat on the slopes and looking around, and I was thinking that it is a pretty place and I will miss aspects of it.
Yeah, I can't think of any other real reasons to my relating to Seth's feelings.
I must be annoying to people who see this trait of mine. I'll just find someone who finds it adorable.

Anywho, I'm going to watch The Thing with my mum. Despite how annoying she is I do love her, and in this case I love her annoying ability to watch anything. She'll watch anything just to be entertained, whereas I like to think I am a little deeper than that. I'm probably not, but don't shatter my ideas.
But tonight, I'm not annoyed with her for watching something she has no idea about. I'm probably just happy to have a bit of company while watching a horror, it's all new to me.
So I shall just have to find a woman who finds my fly away mind adorable and who also watches horror films.
She must also be red headed, not too tall, nice and curvy, play the cello or something of equal coolness, dabble in a little guitar too but must also have room for me to improve her life with such delights as Firefly, Tammany Hall NYC and myself.
I jest, I'm not that shallow.
Only a little, for I do mean it when I say I will only marry a beautiful person because if I am to awake next to her for the rest of my days I might as well awake to a beautiful sight that a scary one.
I'm sure you all think the same, I can just admit it.

Break my stride.

Finally broke the habit. A mid year resolution to not talk about my days on a day to day basis.
Ate heartily last night and still feel full now, then partied like it was 1997 with Bev. We had Third Eye Blind, Goo Goo Dolls and yo-yos!
I needed it for sure because maybe someone got too emotional when Anna went back to Pittsburgh. Only because the show is so awesome and embracing, and because areas of my life are empty at the moment I am substituting my absences with their presence.
Not in a sad depressing way, no, for I know I'll be filling up my life in no time at all.

I gave in my leaving date at work, but they don't need the formalities until a week before I piss off. I wanted to make sure I wouldn't leave them high and dry, but with the crazy one week notice system it looks like they will be screwed whatever way.
I will be missed, I know it. I am the best there apart from Ann. I could easily be the supervisor as there is nothing to it. And I am told these things too, it's not just my opinion. I'm an asset.
It will be nice to be missed, and despite all my hate, I think I will miss aspects. I'll miss the people, I might miss the hours because I like having afternoons and evenings to myself. I'll miss having a uniform that perfectly matches my hair, although I wont miss the fact it always reeks of chicken fat no matter how many times I wash it. I'll miss having a manager who treats me like a friend, and who maybe fancies me.
Yeah, I have developed an arrogance, it's pretty sweet.
I'll miss being really good at stuff and having newbies look at me the same way I looked at people when I started.
But I wont miss it for many reasons. Customers; nearly all wankers. The work; endless. The smell; rank. The management; shit.
It'll be good to leave.
Though it has lead me to think that maybe I should have a higher opinion on myself. I've been modest for my life, thought nothing extraordinary of myself. I have been awesome at this job, I can't help but feel pride in what I do despite the hate. My last job at the radio station I was awesome at, I'd get the days work done in three hours and spend the rest of the day drinking coffee, listening to music and drawing while occasionally answering the phone.
Not a massive resumé to form a conclusive conclusion, but along with other things like my kitchen skills I think I should have a much higher opinion on myself.
New starts soon, and I shall have a confident head on my shoulders, and maybe a pinch of ego. I wont become an arrogant prick, not just yet anyway.

So, I shall remain silent until I feel I have something to type. Probably some psychoanalysis and rants about Nazis. The usual stuff.

One thousand words.

That is how many words a picture can tell.
Yet if you took a snapshot of me now and compare it to one of last summer you'd think I was living the same life. And I am, in a few ways, doing the same things.
Hair is different though.
The company I kept has been distilled to the max.
I have a job.
Maybe I am taller.
I have more scars.
Cutting it short, lots of things are different but I thought I would discuss how someone might look at me and think I am reliving what I was doing last summer.

I used to like dA, for what must of been a day.
But because you can have 'artistic' nude photos, it is just myspace with less clothes. And myspace didn't have many clothes to begin with.

New phone arrived today. I know remember why I never bothered getting one earlier. They aren't fun or exciting, just a means to communicate. I'll get a bigger memory card for it though, then I can cram it with music to listen to in the shower and other places where I cannot have my iPod.
I may need a new iPod soon. I might be able to drag this one to Christmas, but the screen is dying big time. Christmas present? Maybe. Along with a million dvd box sets.

Fool of a Took.

I just saw an advert for Predators with some familiar faces in it. Good faces too, have these actors no shame?

Work was a piece of piss, avoided the usual work and gutted the freezer and cleaned it. The whole floor had a layer of ice from mopping so I decided to be an ice skater. Fun times.
Seven hours later and not much more work it was time to go home. Sadly I missed the drama of Jeanne needing the urge to throw her authority around. But I got to rant with Adam and how no one has superiority over another human being. I hope that he gets to leave that place soon too.

Tomorrow I shall paint and take up time without too much OC as I am nearing the end of the box and the next one wont be here until Friday. Maybe I'll play with Rory too, but I cut my nails a tad too short and they hurt. These are the biggest problems in my life.

God I am shit at entertaining myself. Bored.
Don't know what to do.
Don't really want to do anything.
I should write a book.
Or I just need to find friends like Ryan and Seth because last night in my sleepy state I said to myself that I will see them tomorrow. Completely forgot they weren't real.
How foolish!

Nineteen.

Again, another long day.
They seem longer because now I do things whereas for the final half of last year I did shit all and had to kill time before going to bed only to wake up and do it all again. It was a sad existance. But now I do things.
Kinda.
These things are not a better existance. Work and the time around that is filled with dvds and such. Still, I am happy and I am fond of this point in time. Work is still a bitch but i have four weeks left, and assumming that I just do three day weeks that is just tweleve shifts. I can count that on my hands, and soon I'll be counting them on the one hand.
I can't wait until I clock off for the last time. It's a high posibility that I run through the store naked.

Other things in the life of Dan. I feel my age.
I was doing a survey and had to tick the third box that was 19-24.
I don't get asked for ID anywhere, but that'll change when I am a new face in a new town. 
There are many other things but I can't remember them so now I just look like a dick with two reasons here.
This could be a third, forgetful with my age, but I forget things all the time. I just don't listen to people.
Oh, and tonight there was a new kid in the bakery. Seems nice, a bit jockish, but because school is behind us all and I work with him it'll be no problem. He is seventeen, I wouldn't of guessed at first but now I know he looks it. Point is, his wages are teeny, four pound something an hour. And I was stood there being paid £6.12 for an hour of my time.
I'm not sure how I am feeling about this age stuff. At first I thought it was a bit sad, but now I am not so sure. The more years I clock up the more I will do with my life, the more people I will meet and the better I will get at things. Being eighteen was shit, too much hype for fuck all. Ninetine, it is an age I have grown to love. I feel like I have gained years of wisdom in a single year.
I'll say the same thing when I am twenty and look back on this moment and still think that I thought in a childish manner.

My pizza smells awful tasty so I must check it, then take it upstairs and show it a good time.
And by good time, I mean The OC.