Today was my last day with Karen, my supervisor.
It was the cutest goodbye I have ever had from anyone, ever. I just wanted to hug her.
I'm definitely sad about leaving, but many decisions in life have such problems. The sadness of something ending even if you know you must leave, or that you are going to for fill potential elsewhere or whatknot.
My first job coming to an end, my first taste of being an adult is soon to be replaced with the structure of education once more.
Poor Karen, she may of cried had I stayed any longer for our farewell, and I can understand why. I can say with confidence, and arrogance, that I am the best one on that department. I have the intuition, independence and confidence to do what I think is best and no one works as hard as me. Well, maybe I am third best because Karen is supervisor for a reason, then there is Ann, but I probably cut fewer corners than Ann.
I feel so warm to know that I am going to missed as both a person, and a worker.
I shall miss Karen, Ann and Adam. Rob, no. Fran I shall see before uni happens I'm sure. Steve, only worked with him once as he's not hardcore enough for mornings. Liam, I have my first shift with him next week despite the fact he's been there a good month or more. Shekinah, I don't talk to.
I shall miss Tracey off Cake Shop loads.
I'll miss bullying Gareth on Bakery.
I'll miss Simon and our breaks together.
I'll miss the pleasant small talk with people.
I'll miss Katie in her good moods, but I wont miss the bad ones.
I'll miss Doc and his ability to be an amazing manager.
I'll miss Morrisons.
I never thought I'd say it. From day one I have been aching to quit come August. Now it's here.
I'm excited though, more so than the end of sixth form, but the end of sixth form was shit.
I'm looking forward to taking another step in my life but I feel like I am abandoning so many people and leaving behind a piece of Dan. Nearly nine months of my life it has taken up. It wont seem like much should I live to eighty, but I'm still writing the pages of my life and this is one big chapter.
I shall also miss Cake Shop girl lots. Emily was the name I saw on her name badge. I was nice to her the other night, helped her pack cookies, swept up for her. And then the first thing I did today was talk to Tracey about the state of the cookies and how it wasn't Emily's fault, she got left with a fucktonne of work and no idea what was what. The same thing I promised to do for some new guy on the Bakery, except I forgot because I wasn't in love with him.
Of course, I joke, I am not in love with her. It has just been an age since I have liked someone and I have thrown myself into the school boy feelings of a crush.
It has been lovely without all those school related feelings, but now with my dusting off of feelings I had forgotten it has made me feel pretty alone to be honest.
Thank goodness I have uni coming up, I'll get laid then!
I joke in a sense, I'm not so vulgar and informal with sex however I was well frustrated when I watched a film with a sex scene in today. And no, it wasn't a porno.
I'm feeling chatty tonight, it's my book, ever so inspiring. I just read a part of it where it's old blog entries (but before blogs were cool, like way back in '98) and it pleased me. Made me think "what if I one day publish anything I have documented over the years?".
It could happen.
I can dream. And I often do, I wish so badly for me to share this with the entire world. I want millions of eyes to read what is on my mind. One day.
Oh yeah, and in my book he used the term in other news!
A common term, but I use it and it made me relate.
And while we are talking about books, I found some book tokens which I assume I got for me a model student and sixth form and now I finally own The Catcher in the Rye. It was that or Of Mice and Men. I'll get that one after, along with To Kill a Mockingbird. You know, all those books people read for school but I never did because I got stuck with fucking Kestrel for a Knave.
Anyway, there are other emotions to Oven Fresh.
It is impossible not to be aware of all the death. Just today I got sixteen crates of chickens, that is one hundred and sixty chickens, dead. A crate of portions can be about forty-five chickens. A lot of death. And this is just our department which is small and not so busy.
But Adam and myself were talking the other night about it, and we had a lot of chickens that hadn't sold and we have to throw them away. He said how these chickens were killed to be eaten, and now they are just being thrown away.
Ignorance is not bliss, I have learnt this from my job.
This is not me becoming a vegetarian, though I could easily do so.
I should probably watch some OC now and get lots of sleep. I have only four more times to set my alarm! But knowing my luck I'll land another job with six am starts. Truth be told, I love them.
But I must go, for this room is a mess and tomorrow will be a serious cleaning and gutting day. Until a good song comes on, then I pick up my guitar and then a few hours later I am still surrounded by mess.
This is what will happen tomorrow. Despite my awareness, I wont be able to stop myself.
And I dedicate this to Cake Shop girl:
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