Crimson and clover.

Nunes new tune; awfully fun to say.
Technically it's a cover, a Paramore one at that. I wouldn't listen to them, but it came from good old Julia Nunes mouth. Odd shaped mouth, but beautiful all the same.
Yes, I am just like all the others on YouTube who love her.
I really do. I wont skirt around or pretend that I don't. The dreams I have had where she was my best friend were the best. We all have dreams.

Today has been swell. Started with some jaaaaaaa, as I just talked about.
Then some DoD until I decided it was about time to check what my hours were for tomorrow. Six, as I thought. While in Morrisons I got some iced coffee for the journey home.
I was going to take Rory out into the sun, but found I had other plans in the form of football and the park. This was fun because the two overly competitive men couldn't go. Just a light hearted kick about. Apart from when I fell over in true style. Stretched too far on one leg, lost my footing and went arse over tit and landed full bore on my back. Not as sore now, we'll see what they story is in the morning.
Company was great, it feels like I haven't heard my voice for weeks, it was just lovely this evening, rolling out the conversation.
Home to a barbeque and lots of cider. Drink loads of the stuff now because of resent events. Not Strongbow shit, good hearty stuff.
Then people wanted pudding, so in my fuzzy headed state I betted them all I could make a pineapple upside down cake in five minutes. I did it. Thankfully all the knives in this house are blunt for I may of finished up with less fingers after carving up the pineapple.
And it was pretty lush, if I dare say so.
I hope I'll be the storm I imagine myself being at uni.

Terrorism, self esteem and Colin Hay.

"Two planes landed in ENGLAND today, one carrying 23 overpaid, under achieving, footballers with ego's to match their wallets...and the other seven men who's coffins were draped in the union jack, who died for this country. These are the real hero's we should be supporting, these men and women who give their lives so we can live in a free world. THESE ARE THE PRIDE OF ENGLAND.....R.I.P. re post if you agree!!"


These kind of things piss me off so much, it's almost untrue. But it is true, and it pisses me off. 
I didn't lay into some of the people who posted it on facebook, but I shall vent it here. 
Free world? What a load of shit. How is it a free world when you invade and kill any place that disagree with you. 
I don't support terrorism, two wrongs don't make a right. However, I wouldn't say I condone it either. It's easy to call someone a terrorist when they attack you but people fail to look at themselves to see why they would provoke such an attack. 
Look at Che. America branded him a terrorist, yet the world praises his name a a freedom fighter and his face is pasted on just about everything. Flags to thongs, wallets to t shirts and that is a sad reality in itself. Point being, one mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter. 
Best leave it here now before I say something silly because I am uneducated in it all, but still I'll throw around my opinions haphazardly. 


While I a bitching; Loraine. Or is it two r's? 
My dad's girlfriend. Or is it fiancée? 
A confusing subject to say the least. 
Generally I hate her even though she is not a malicious being yet the other day I started to feel sorry for her. I noticed she was in a relationship with my fake dad, and for anyone to love him and be happy with him must have the lowest self esteem in the world. I imagine she'd be the kind of person that if she was being beaten, she would blame herself. 
I didn't feel sorry for her for long, self esteem is not my problem. The name says it all, self esteem. Self. 
I'm a bad person, I don't feel sorry for people if their self esteem is low. It's in their hands, they can change it. Willpower. Nothing magical. 


Lets end on a positive. Would you believe it, today was the first time I have played Waiting For My Real Life to Begin. I printed the chords off when I first heard it, back when I was shit at guitar and couldn't play it and never tried since. 
I fixed that today, and my my I sounded good. 

It's my brothers birthday.

I don't like him, and it's not just a usual disliking towards a sibling.
He's such a little prick.
I'll be gone soon and he'll forever be out of my hair. I was also thinking in ten years time he'll be finishing school and I could be anywhere in the world. Ten whole years to get as far away as possible.

Eiko joined my party on FFIX. She'd rock as a younger sister.
Finished my big canvas. And by finish I threw paint at it, dragged and cloth over it and accidently ripped it. It was an accident, honest.
I'd call it the bane of my existence but it has just been sat there for weeks while I have done nothing to it. It's just been there, mocking me.
It will free me of a little negativity, maybe.
I have so much though it will hardly register.

Short sentences. They rock.

Wow. Where did the time go?
I missed the football as I was at work. One of those days where I get away with doing shit all, all day long.
Came home to find the house empty. Just the way I like it. Can't be doing with people.
Made a chili. From scratch of course. No packets. You only need pepper, paprika and cumin. Lots of cumin, I find the packets don't have enough. I love cumin.
Beer. I have a right thirst on. I think. I open a bottle and it's gone. I don't feel like I have a thirst on.
Singed the hairs in one nostril.
Finally. I'm getting into the blues. The old stuff.
Tomorrow I shall finish my big canvas. I don't want it. It will live in a dark corner.
Played around with writing a song last night. Lovely it was. I seriously need to learn how to play the blues. Not boring twelve bar shit.
I believe I have the will to make the most of tomorrow. I aim to be covered in paint by the end of it.
Tonight though. Final Fantasy IX. Then probably The Hurt Locker.
I want a finger slide. And a resonator guitar.
I need to make a cigar box guitar. And a diddley bo.

Here we come!

I thought I wouldn't get The O.C. but I thought I would just see how much it was.
Ten pounds later...
Oh well, I'm sure I wont just watch The O.C. and if that is all I do I might watch some outside in the sun. Maybe.
What can you do?
Right now, I want to be here.

Collision theory in practice.

Overwhelming urge to watch The O.C. as I walked to work.
I'd buy it, but then my summer will just involve that and nothing else.
No, for now I shall settle with a picture of Ryan and listen to The Thrills.

Gargan Roo.

The music here pleases me.

Realm of Eternal Rain

I'd say that it reminds me of Buxton but there has been so little rain here for ages. I have had my job since November and I have literally walked there in the rain three times. A few more times walking back, but just three times. It's great. 

Now I am going to get caned by Beatrix. 

I'll still love her. 

Mr. Orange

It's later than I thought it was. Not that it makes any difference to me.
Reservoir Dogs was the film of the day. Good film, but it could of kept the mystery of who that rat was for longer, but then if it did that then we wouldn't of got the other bits.
It was good as it was.
I fallen back into that Dan who does shit all. I get so bored but I don't want to do anything, not an easy situation.
I just need to break the habit, form a routine and I'll be set.
Or I could just play Final Fantasy IX all day and all night.

Rise

Last night I found myself in the shoes of someone I swore I wouldn't become.
I never saw it coming, and upon arrival I didn't really care and went along with it.

Sunny day today so I watched The Eye. Very asian, alright film.
Then played guitar 'til my fingers were suitably cut up.
Boredom sank in, and the music in The Eye made me think of Final Fantasy so I have stared number nine again.
Best game ever.
I spent the evening in the sun to make up for my day. I prefer the evening sun sometimes. Less harsh.

Blue cheese and mushroom.

I think I might develop issues with food and where it comes from. Went out last night with my dad because his mother was over from Ireland. Bad times because this meant missing out on the work's do.
Bad times because this meant spending time with them.
First time I have been for weeks and I spent thirty hours there so that should warrant me not going for at least a month.
Anywho, we went out to the Fallow Dear. Shittest of the shit. One of those brewery chain family pubs. Same menu nation wide so you now the food is merely heated up on premises. I looked at all the menu and couldn't help but think of work and how we all don't give a shit about the food. Everything we do is disgusting and I laugh at the people who buy it because I bet they eat it thinking it's good food. I promise they would not think that if they saw me making it.
I was sure this place would be no different. Full of people who hate their jobs and laugh at the customers. The food was no good.
Now I only want food if either I have made it, trust the person who has made it or it has come out of a good chefs kitchen.
I don't think it's going to be some mega issue like OCD, but life was easier when you just get a plate of food and don't think about how it came to be. Easier, but I prefer it this way.
Dad's mother is still annoying to the extreme. I was thinking to myself, "please die soon". Because I am a terrible person.
I could list everything I hate but I know them already.

In other news where death is not wished upon the people I dislike, no work 'til Thursday!
It's gonna be bitchin'!
And another thing, I had to leave the I hate Family Guy group. I watch it these days, I must say it's a riot.  Some bits try too hard and such, but most the time I'll chuckle the whole way through.

Am I a lion?

Watching this, it has made me want to watch Firefly but this time to watch it purely for Simon.

Ouch.

I'm beyond tired right now, I think I might of got two hours sleep last night.
Every bit of me hurts from the party, falling asleep on a wooden floor, playing too much football and just my general aches.
A bath may be in order.
The party the other night was excellent. Though it did leave me thinking about someone that I probably shouldn't of been thinking of. And with things that have happened to me before, I think maybe my interruption of what can and can't be done has shifted. Hey ho.
Excellent night though, just like the ones from years ago.
Yesterday involved little to begin with, then it involved football on the field with siblings. Then I walked to the park to play yet more football with friends.
It was at this point I became quiet. I was having fun the night before with people, had fun playing with siblings, but there was too much man in the park, too much competitiveness and it got well fierce. My effort was nil by then.
I hurt. Big time.

What a peculiar feeling.

My vices are still on the up.
It's all good.
It's late now, as in I have work in the morning, so I must be brief. Also I can neither type, nor string together a coherent and adult sentence.
Shame because last night was great, though it poked around in some maybe not so good thoughts.
Blah!

Man is tethered, tied, bound. Spirit is free.

The most marvelous mood was had last night.
Serenity.
I felt disconnected from everything, my mind was thinking of nothing but how good nothing was. It was the evening and the sky was a glorious blue, then I saw the crescent of the moon and thought how The Whole of the Moon might of reflected my feeling.
'Til I realised that, in fact, I was seeing the whole of the moon because I knew what mattered, and what mattered was nothing.
It was as if my mind was brought home.
I closed my eyes and felt like a spirit, not a being, and wanted to float away. I genuinely wanted to die it was so perfect, to die without a care and longing, oh it was beautiful.
I felt like I had found my spirituality, not that I can pinpoint it.
Buddhism is great to read about, but I think that is all I can do with it. It still feels too controlling, though it can explain that is my ego preventing me. But all religions have explanations for everything.
No, I'll stick to myself I think.
Last night I felt as if everything was one, just like the image I have of my misinformed idea of Gaia. I prefer the ideas from Final Fantasy than the actual mythology.
Funny how all that stemmed from nicotine.
You could say it was that that made me feel so, I however say it was just a proxy to calm my thoughts and in that calmness I brought my mind home.

Anywho, places to be, people to see, drink to drink. You know how it is.

Red-blooded, white skinned, oh and the blues

The longing.

It was a month ago, that passionate night.
You swam in my soul, made me shout till my voice was no more.
Took me to the highest high, and damn you, you let me me fall.
But I damn myself for I still love you.
I love you now, and I will love you forever.
Third Eye Blind, I miss you dearly.

I love my landlord.

He is great, quirky, but great.
I'll miss him if he ever leaves, hopefully I'll be gone before that.
I turned my absence of mood into a quick watercolour last night, and the process of putting my mood down made me melt back into myself.
Today I finished my big canvas. I'm not happy with it, nor am I proud, but I'm glad I did it. I must sound like a dick all the time when I say I'm looking for my niche, but it's true - I think? It's been so long and it has only been this year where I have actually attempted art rather than copy pictures.
I'll improve, and this is the only reason I keep going no matter how much shit I churn out.
But today, I was sat with my guitar, played a progression while I sang some ideas I've had for lyrics. And my, it came out great. The ideas sounded cheesy on paper, but throwing them around out loud. This lyrical bombshell session was interrupted when I was asked if I wanted to go out for food. Of course, I went.
Burritos. Then half my mothers chili and nachos.
I hurt.
Not to mention all the Corona and Magners.
Then I whopped ass at pool, like amazingly so.
Tomorrow I hope to share some time with Rory, I have work in the afternoon so we shall see.
Next week for work will be...I'm not sure. Five days, four of which are early ones so the week itself will fly by but the individual days will drag. But I do get Thursday off which means Wednesday night can be indulged to the extreme!

I watched to second half of the Germany and Australia game. It was good, Australia so deserved to score at least one goal for their effort, but the Germans deserved to win for the lush football. I hate football most the time, how it is just about money. The World Cup is refreshingly different, it's incredibly simple which makes it wonderful.
I feel for Rob Green. I feel like I can relate because I used to play as goalkeeper in junior school and did other bits. I obviously have no clue, but part of me still feels like a goalkeeper as it is my favourite position.
Talking of football, I have been requested for a football game in like two years time. Talk about love. Makes me feel awesome, almost as awesome when I was the only person who came close to scoring a goal in that radio game. It was beautiful.

Void

Earlier I felt completely absent of everything. Emotionless and complete indifference.
I'd say it was a horrible feeling but, you know, lack of feelings.
I'm coming back round to myself.
I think it's all down to the point in time I am in.
Or more likely, my life is literally complete after seeing Third Eye Blind and there is fuck all to do anymore.
I'm going to do something now, no idea what, I just want to do something.

Beer, bath, bed.

The irony is that the day I have people to care about this, will be the day I don't have time for this.
Is it irony? Who cares?

Interruptions

The grey sky is breaking a little, and this reflects how I am feeling.
Lets start from the start of the day. I got up at five because I thought I had work. I went all the way to work and I looked at the rota. Good thing because I saw the big word OFF. How embarrassing, going to work at six on my day off.
It wasn't bad, I just got my jacket and went home and went back to bed.
Slept for an extra couple of hours then got up for my unexpected day off.
I jumped into DK2, not because I like it, because I hate it. I just wanted to finish it as soon as possible to be rid of it. And it was shockingly bad. Really sad because the first one was amazing.
This one just made no sense, you'd turn a page and think there must be some pages missing because it didn't follow. Or a superhero would turn up for no reason, and there was no justification for why anyone was anywhere and why they were doing what they were doing.
And the art! Miller can draw, he is good but he can't ink for shit. And then most the comic, it seems like he couldn't be arsed and everything is blocky and shit, rather than his raw style. And to make it worse, so much of it was just filled in on photoshop, but in the worst way possible. Using stupid effects that people use when they first get photoshop and think they are suddenly a graphic designer.
I have no idea what the story was, I think it was basically after the first novel, Batman went into hiding and built up an army ready to start a revolution because the government was bad. Except we see next to nothing of this government. Then the Justice League were there but they still worked for the government until Batman beat the shit out of Superman and opened his eyes. Sounds shit? Doesn't even cover it.
It felt like it was written by a man slipping down the slope of madness. Maybe it made sense in his head, but he forgot to tell everyone else.
Oh well, what can you do?

I went into town afterwards and bought a canvas. I said I'd buy the biggest one in the shop, until I saw the biggest one, pussied out, and got the second biggest.
Walk home was windy and fun. I was like a sail boat.
Got home, took forever finding stuff, and then finally got down to painting. Half way through I remembered oils take a while to dry so I got the back ground sorted and now I wait.
It's a pretty sweet background, it'll be a shame to cover most of it.

Work tomorrow. For sure, I triple checked.

I want to do nothing...

...and I want to do it forever.

I think I have been in the house too much.
I've tried to fill my time but everything I touch keeps going wrong.
I'm not losing heart but I'm so insanely bored.
I feel like I'm bursting with needs and wants to do things, but I'm stuck to the chair.
I look forward to going to bed because I can wake up tomorrow fresh, sure I have work, but the afternoon is mine for the taking.
How I wish my head was in one place and not several.

And I don't wish to taste of your insides.

This song is like crack at the moment:

Bah!

Can't be arsed.
But I did find the right picture of Bob Marley I shall do for a certain someone's certain birthday.

Try again.

Another deleted post.
First one was written this morning in the heat of anger.
I then hid in my room and painted and as soon as I started I felt amazing.
I know I am fickle, but I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. And my emotions a kept in check most the time.
Despite this, the original bad mood, the reason behind it still stands, but most the bitterness was just all in the moment.
I didn't finish my painting sadly, I wanted to but then I went for dinner and the pub and now I am pissed. Cheap champagne is the drink of choice at this moment.
I'll finish my picture tomorrow morning as I don't have to be a work until three.
And now I must carry on watching Soccer Aid. I'm not football fan but I was being drawn in at the pub and then I noticed Damian Lewis. And all the other people I love.
Then Ewan McGregor popped up!
How I love red haired men. And women too, of course, but those two men are two of my favourite people.
As for the reason to why my hair is still red, pfft, who knows?
Hmm, I shall have to re-do it next week. Needs livening up big time.

The Bastard that is Dan.

Work was awful today. Just Anne and myself all morning when at weekends we have three people from midmorning onwards. We coped, we coped extremely well which is a credit to how awesome we are because if Rob had been there instead everything would be empty. Even now.
It was Nina's last day today. I was singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead all day yesterday. Today I was singing London Underground of all things. Nina is gone, and did I say goodbye, did I fuck!
My mother came and saw me at work to tell me they were at the Wyebridge and I met them there after my shift. Walking there I saw a lonely woman having a lonely picnic and I laughed big time.
If life is a test, I have surely failed.

Cheese sweats.
I'm not finding food at all appetising at the moment. Shit, maybe I'm pregnant!?!
And now I shall listen to music all night long.

London is burnin'; don't tell the Queen.

I keep falling asleep everywhere. Next week can't come any sooner.
I'd hope it's a sign of change but now it's summer and everyone will be having their holidays but me.
Jokes on them because I'll be gone by the start of August.
I need to by a huge canvas for next week. And when I say huge, I might go all out with my exaggeration and get a huge one.
I shall call it Burning Streets because it shall be inspired by the song of the same name.
I can only hope it comes out as beautiful as it looks in my head.

Loveliness

BBQ.
Lots of drink.
I worry about the day where I have to drink less.

I forgot how amazing internet compliments are.

I've been watching the sky tonight, not Sky.

When I have a day where I do nothing, such as today, they don't go as well as they sound.
When I say I do nothing, that is what gets done. I forgot to eat and drink when I watch too many films and then I get tired and then I get a headache.
And now I feel my day has been somewhat of a waste, not completely though.
With my many days off next week I shall do something worth while. I'll paint something.

Ever the optimist.

I'd probably call myself an optimist, but I have a way of being a humourous pessimist.
Today I was feeling optimistic.
I have this shirt, I've had it a few years and I thought it's ship had sailed and it would no longer fit.
Nope, fits better than ever before.
Made me happy. Just like that cider did.
I'm drinking lots of the stuff lately, getting myself ready for my venture to the West Country.

On the optimistic note. I always look at the rota hoping to see numerous "OFF"s. I looked at next weeks, and when my hopes were low I was rewarded with seeing a three day week.
I'm so fucking happy! Just three days in the worse place in my world.